(no subject)

I swear, the Alanis Morissette song "Unsent" didnt pop into my head til AFTER I started writing the following entries...(well, actually I wrote them as letters yesterday. Just now putting them up as entries...

Dear...Well, You Know Who You Are....

I love you. You don't know that because I'm afraid that if I told you, you would take it the wrong way. I'm glad that you ercognized that you and me together is a bad idea, and that things didn't change. It's a little sad that we don't talk much anymore, but that's ok. things run their course. The last time I saw you, half asleep in your bed, I wanted to crawl under the covers and snuggle with you, just for a few minutes. And then I had to catch a train. I almost kissed you, I think out of habit.

Frank-

You clueless, infuriating idiot. It's been almost a year now since I told you that I had a crush on you, and you never answered with so much as a yes, no, go to hell, whatever. But I still talk to you. You still invite me to your parties. And one of these days I might even make it to one. Did you know that I almost kissed you once, back in Grand Central Station the first time I saw you in New York. I had to leave, back to Penn Station, and you walked to the subway with me. I turned around and you were still standing there, I almost ran back to you. But the train came and you left. The next time I see you, I might just do that. To hell with "what if" and subway trains. I may or may not warn you half a second before I do so. I guess I'll see you later...in Grand Central...walking into Penn Station as I'm walking out...In Delaware...in the back of my mind...

Pennington-

I love you too. I never told you that. Probably because I was trying to figure out if I could even tolerate you. and if I couldn't, how I would survive a year as assistant station manager when you were the manager. But I only had to survive half the year, and I kinda wish I had said goodbye to you before I left.

Dear Justin-

You know...I had a huge crush on you back when I was in Texas. Maybe you know. Maybe it was obvious. Or maybe not. But you had a girlfriend, so it didn't make any dfference. I just had so much fun hanging out with you...and admiring you from afar. Even if you were an hour late to help me with my photography project when I had to get up at 7 in the morning. And all bedheaded and sleepy-looking. It made you that much cuter. I sometimes think of you, and I miss eating froot loops for dinner (loops!) And talking about random Kandinsky paintings. Did you ever move to New York? Or did you stay in Dallas? Are you working on your MFA? Maybe someday I'll see your work somewhere and think of Froot Loops and Kandinsky. And I'll smile.