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badstarThese questions about Australia were posted on an Australian Tourism
Website. It would appear that the answers came from an Aussie.
1. Q. Does it ever rain in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV. How do the plants grow? (question came from UK)
A. We import plants fully grown, then just sit around watching them die.
2. Q. Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (from USA)
A. Depends how much you've had to drink.
3. Q. I want to walk from Perth to Sydney. Can I follow the railway track? (from Sweden)
A. Sure, it's only 3,000 miles. Take plenty of water.
4. Q. Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (from Sweden)
A. So it's true what the say about Swedes?
5. Q. It is imperative I find the names of places to contact for a stuffed porpoise (from Italy)
A. Let's not touch this one.
6. Q. Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville, Alice Springs, Darwin and Hervey Bay? (from UK)
A. What did your last slave die of?
7. Q. Can you give me information about hippo racing in Australia? (from USA)
A. A-Fri-Ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-Tra-Lia is that big island in the Pacific which does not... oh forget it. Sure, hippo racing is every Tuesday night in King's Cross. Come Naked.
8. Q. Which direction is north in Australia? (from USA)
A. Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you arrive and we'll give you the rest of the directions.
9. Q. Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (from UK)
A. Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
10. Q. Can you send me the Vienna Boy's Choir schedule? (from USA)
A. Aus-Tri-A, it's that quaint little country near Germany, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boy's Choir plays every Tuesday night in King's Cross straight after the hippo racing. Come Naked.
11. Q. Do you have perfume in Australia? (from France)
A. No. WE don't stink.
12. Q. I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (from USA)
A. Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
13. Q. Can I wear high heels in Australia? (from UK)
A. You are a British politician, right?
14. Q. Can you tell me the regions where the female population is smaller than the male? (from Italy)
A. Yes. Gay nightclubs.
15. Q. Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (from France)
A. Yes, but only at Christmas.
16. Q. Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (from Germany)
A. No. Australia is a nation of peaceful Vegan hunter-gatherers. Milk is illegal.
17. Q. Please send a list of doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum (from USA)
A. Rattlesnakes live in A-Meri-Ca, where you come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make excellent pets.
18. Q. I want to know about a famous Australian animal but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (from USA)
A. It's called a Drop-Bear, so called because they drop out of gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath. You can ward them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
19. Q. I was in Autralia in 1969, and I want to contact the girl I dated when I was staying in King's Cross. Can you help? (from USA)
A. Yes, but you will still have to pay her by the hour.
20. Q. Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (from USA)
A. Yes, but you need to learn it first.
Website. It would appear that the answers came from an Aussie.
1. Q. Does it ever rain in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV. How do the plants grow? (question came from UK)
A. We import plants fully grown, then just sit around watching them die.
2. Q. Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (from USA)
A. Depends how much you've had to drink.
3. Q. I want to walk from Perth to Sydney. Can I follow the railway track? (from Sweden)
A. Sure, it's only 3,000 miles. Take plenty of water.
4. Q. Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (from Sweden)
A. So it's true what the say about Swedes?
5. Q. It is imperative I find the names of places to contact for a stuffed porpoise (from Italy)
A. Let's not touch this one.
6. Q. Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville, Alice Springs, Darwin and Hervey Bay? (from UK)
A. What did your last slave die of?
7. Q. Can you give me information about hippo racing in Australia? (from USA)
A. A-Fri-Ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-Tra-Lia is that big island in the Pacific which does not... oh forget it. Sure, hippo racing is every Tuesday night in King's Cross. Come Naked.
8. Q. Which direction is north in Australia? (from USA)
A. Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you arrive and we'll give you the rest of the directions.
9. Q. Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (from UK)
A. Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
10. Q. Can you send me the Vienna Boy's Choir schedule? (from USA)
A. Aus-Tri-A, it's that quaint little country near Germany, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boy's Choir plays every Tuesday night in King's Cross straight after the hippo racing. Come Naked.
11. Q. Do you have perfume in Australia? (from France)
A. No. WE don't stink.
12. Q. I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (from USA)
A. Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
13. Q. Can I wear high heels in Australia? (from UK)
A. You are a British politician, right?
14. Q. Can you tell me the regions where the female population is smaller than the male? (from Italy)
A. Yes. Gay nightclubs.
15. Q. Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (from France)
A. Yes, but only at Christmas.
16. Q. Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (from Germany)
A. No. Australia is a nation of peaceful Vegan hunter-gatherers. Milk is illegal.
17. Q. Please send a list of doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum (from USA)
A. Rattlesnakes live in A-Meri-Ca, where you come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make excellent pets.
18. Q. I want to know about a famous Australian animal but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (from USA)
A. It's called a Drop-Bear, so called because they drop out of gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath. You can ward them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
19. Q. I was in Autralia in 1969, and I want to contact the girl I dated when I was staying in King's Cross. Can you help? (from USA)
A. Yes, but you will still have to pay her by the hour.
20. Q. Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (from USA)
A. Yes, but you need to learn it first.
