Imbolc, The leodios Edition.

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For those who aren't in the know, today we celebrate Imbolc. On this day, the Goddess climbs out of Her hole for the first time after a long Winter. If the Goddess sees Her shadow, we'll have six more weeks of frigid weather. If She doesn't, we'll get to eat Easter candy early. Afterward, the Goddess dies and descends to the underworld. But, three days later, She is resurrected as Zombie Goddess and begins Her reign of terror. She then wanders in the dessert for 40 years until the Horned God finally thinks to ask for directions. The Goddess then discovers how to make chocolate, which She says is good, but then She separated the white chocolate from the dark chocolate. However, a buffalo demon then emerges from the white chocolate and the Goddess manifests Her warrior form from Her third eye. After a long battle, the demon is slain, and the Goddess takes the demon and uses his corpse to create the world: his brains become the clouds and his skull is made into the dome of the sky. While She was creating the earth, the Goddess only had enough oil to light a lamp for 8 days. So when the oil ran out, She declared the ninth day a day of rest. This is why pagans recognize Sloth as one of the Nine Noble Virtues and devote every ninth day to the cultivation of laziness.