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badstarSo...for the record, this is an even smaller filter than my previous one, it's not opt in (but it is opt out though no one here has expressed desire to be removed from my other filter, and this is just a much pared-down version of that.)
So anyway, amidst the other happenings of late, I observed a year dedicated to Apollo with what I call a "nice little chat".
I'd been thinking on and off about what I might do for a few months, never coming to any definite plans, only eventually knowing that what would happen would happen. and then just a few days before that, I suddenly have a girlfriend and all at once am distracted by figuring out this new element that wasn't in my life before, but also knowing that I still wanted to do something.
When I asked Him, it was given back to me that it was not time for extensive ritual or elaborate offerings, we would have some time that day, he would let me know when.
I was going to take a shower in the afternoon when I felt that I was being called, it was time to talk then and having a shower would wait.
I lit a couple of sticks of incense and sat down in front of my altar, very quickly drifting off to...other places.
It started much like one of my temple dreams where I was walking along a dirt and gravel path. As I approached the temple, like one previously, the ground beneath the temple suddenly started to swell up, a hill growing beneath it, steep steps leading up to it. shortly after I started climbing, I was suddenly at the top, at the temple door, wearing the yellow robe from before. Then I was inside, seeing the row of pedestaled water basins, then standing in front of the altar, my hands for the first time free of any offerings. The woman from before was there, and then she wasn't. Then I was in the courtyard momentarily.
Then the courtyard and temple vanished, and I was standing with my back to the trunk of an immense cypress tree. All around was dense forest, I was in the middle of a clearing. I couldn't move from where I stood, but this time no cutting grapevines bound my wrists.
Apollo appeared at a short distance in front of me, an arrow nocked in his bow, pointed straight at me. He loosed the arrow, shooting me again straight through the heart, this time it went all the way through my back, pinning me to the tree.
I was in pain, this time, there was no gentle healing hands to pull out the arrow and take the pain away. He shone with golden light, one that I had previously gotten the feeling of, but had never actually seen. It was a dark light, if that makes any sense. His eyes were shadowed and nearly black.
He stood in front of me, raised a hand but didn't touch me. Something was being pulled out of me, in the same area as the arrow had stuck, though it wasn't the arrow. I kept thinking of cartilage for some reason though.
Then he came closer to me and started speaking to me, almost in a snarl, very close to my ear. He advised me first not to get too comfortable with my current lack of fear in my new relationship (I do have a history of fear/"running away" and while things so far have been going very well, it would be stupid of me to think that I've completely gotten away from all that's plagued me in the past. This confirmed that.)
He then moved on to speak briefly of the many dreams of being cut that I've had, had I noticed that I'd not had one in a while? Did I give it any thought when more than one person had mentioned Marsyas upon hearing about those dreams?
He then stopped and went on to inform me that I would have a short break, but it wasn't going to last forever. And that from hear on out, I would be given no warnings, anything that happened, I was being led blind, remember the dreams and visions of walking down the mountain into the fog into which I could not see?
Then, back to the cuttings and that I'd not had such a dream in a while, "You've been scored." he said, still in a snarling voice. A large machete-like knife appeared in his hand, he pulled me away from the tree, and made several wild, angry slashes at my arm and shoulders, cutting to the bone, and then grabbing at the cut flesh, ripping some of it from my shoulder. "You've seen some of it ripped out already. I'm not even close to being done."
I opened my eyes just in time to see the last bit of ash fall from the burning incense sticks, perfectly simultaneous.
It was rather painful and scary.
More of the Apollo that I know...
So anyway, amidst the other happenings of late, I observed a year dedicated to Apollo with what I call a "nice little chat".
I'd been thinking on and off about what I might do for a few months, never coming to any definite plans, only eventually knowing that what would happen would happen. and then just a few days before that, I suddenly have a girlfriend and all at once am distracted by figuring out this new element that wasn't in my life before, but also knowing that I still wanted to do something.
When I asked Him, it was given back to me that it was not time for extensive ritual or elaborate offerings, we would have some time that day, he would let me know when.
I was going to take a shower in the afternoon when I felt that I was being called, it was time to talk then and having a shower would wait.
I lit a couple of sticks of incense and sat down in front of my altar, very quickly drifting off to...other places.
It started much like one of my temple dreams where I was walking along a dirt and gravel path. As I approached the temple, like one previously, the ground beneath the temple suddenly started to swell up, a hill growing beneath it, steep steps leading up to it. shortly after I started climbing, I was suddenly at the top, at the temple door, wearing the yellow robe from before. Then I was inside, seeing the row of pedestaled water basins, then standing in front of the altar, my hands for the first time free of any offerings. The woman from before was there, and then she wasn't. Then I was in the courtyard momentarily.
Then the courtyard and temple vanished, and I was standing with my back to the trunk of an immense cypress tree. All around was dense forest, I was in the middle of a clearing. I couldn't move from where I stood, but this time no cutting grapevines bound my wrists.
Apollo appeared at a short distance in front of me, an arrow nocked in his bow, pointed straight at me. He loosed the arrow, shooting me again straight through the heart, this time it went all the way through my back, pinning me to the tree.
I was in pain, this time, there was no gentle healing hands to pull out the arrow and take the pain away. He shone with golden light, one that I had previously gotten the feeling of, but had never actually seen. It was a dark light, if that makes any sense. His eyes were shadowed and nearly black.
He stood in front of me, raised a hand but didn't touch me. Something was being pulled out of me, in the same area as the arrow had stuck, though it wasn't the arrow. I kept thinking of cartilage for some reason though.
Then he came closer to me and started speaking to me, almost in a snarl, very close to my ear. He advised me first not to get too comfortable with my current lack of fear in my new relationship (I do have a history of fear/"running away" and while things so far have been going very well, it would be stupid of me to think that I've completely gotten away from all that's plagued me in the past. This confirmed that.)
He then moved on to speak briefly of the many dreams of being cut that I've had, had I noticed that I'd not had one in a while? Did I give it any thought when more than one person had mentioned Marsyas upon hearing about those dreams?
He then stopped and went on to inform me that I would have a short break, but it wasn't going to last forever. And that from hear on out, I would be given no warnings, anything that happened, I was being led blind, remember the dreams and visions of walking down the mountain into the fog into which I could not see?
Then, back to the cuttings and that I'd not had such a dream in a while, "You've been scored." he said, still in a snarling voice. A large machete-like knife appeared in his hand, he pulled me away from the tree, and made several wild, angry slashes at my arm and shoulders, cutting to the bone, and then grabbing at the cut flesh, ripping some of it from my shoulder. "You've seen some of it ripped out already. I'm not even close to being done."
I opened my eyes just in time to see the last bit of ash fall from the burning incense sticks, perfectly simultaneous.
It was rather painful and scary.
More of the Apollo that I know...
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no subject
Date: 2008-05-06 04:36 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-05-07 01:38 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-05-08 09:04 am (UTC)Well, it's certainly never been fuzzy :-P....but is once and a while warm, comforting and a place of unbreakable safety, usually directly in the wake of the hot, cold, painful, searing, surgical light that we know and love (haha)
I just wish I wasn't being thrown into...whatever this is...completely blind. Even just a general idea of what it is towards which He's pushing me would be nice.
Ah well, serves me right for swearing to trust and follow, eh?
no subject
Date: 2008-05-08 09:10 am (UTC)Yeah...dubious as it may seem at times, I think it is.