Bored..

I am bored. I want to redo my journal...however, images don't seem to want to upload. So I guess I'll try tomorrow.

I'm trying to decide for my Halloween costume...I wanna be (surprise, surprise) a Fire Fairy. I can't decide if i want to use a bunch of tulle and netting or lots and lots and lots of strips of red and orange ribbons for a skirt...I'm kinda liking the ribbon idea, but in any case, i don't have money...hmm...Mommy! And then I could use m red bustier as the top, and it'll look really cool.

OK...off to entertain myself..

And If The Drama Fairy Hasn't Been Generous Enough Lately...

I'm sick of it. Sick of Mike, sick of his temper, his self-righteous territorial I'm-right-everyone-else-is-wrong so you can just go to hell attitude.

I was just about to fall asleep last night when Mom and Mike came home from work. This was like 230 in the morning. soon as he walked in the door, he started screaming and yelling and slamming things around. Does that quite often, but usually it's just a cabinet door, the refrigerator door and maybe a fork in the sink, goes off to bed, and that's it. Last night that wasn't it. He just kept yelling and throwing and slamming stuff...silly me decided I needed a glass of water. Screaming about people using his electricity, eaing his food, usign his water, breathing his air and complaining about how bad our lives were. What started this? The downstairs light was left on.

This went on for a while, and he was mostly going on about Mike (my brother...try to follow me, there are two Mikes here) and his moving back home and stuff....which eventually woke Mike up...he sleeps on the sofa. who started resonding to some of the things Mike (stepfather) was saying...and basically just verbally defending himself. Nothing out of line or unreasonable.

Eventually Mike got offthe sofa and they just kept yelling back and forth for a while, my mom kept trying to break it up while Mike(stepfatehr) kept yelling at her, saying she had no right to be mad at him, she had no right to speak, much less in a raised voice, that she was his bitch, his woman, it was his house and how dare she treat him that way (nevermind that my mom has paid more than half the bills and mortgage since they bought the place).

Anyway, this kept going on, my sister called the police, they came in for a few minutes, talked to the Mikes and left. There was no physical fighting, just a lot of screaming, so they didn't do anyhting but pretty much say "don't do it again".

After all was said and done, he had the nerve to ask my brother for a hug.

In any case, I'm moving out ASAP. I've got an email to the baltwash burn list to see if someone is looking for a roommate, and I'm going to talk to some other people. I guess I'm going to go back to corning-revere and fight over my pentacle for a few weeks to save some money and be gone.

I can't deal with this anymore...the last time this happened, 2 years ago, charges were pressed (my brother was a minor at the time and there was physical fighting) and Mike had to go into counseling, my mom kicked him out of the house and only let him back in when my brother agreed to it, saying that if he didn't keep up counseling she would divorce him...well after 3 or 4 weeks, Mike decided there was nothing to talk about so he quit going, and well, they're still together.

I hope my mom wakes up and figures a few things out sometime PDQ...in any case, I can't wait for that and I don't want to deal with it anymore. I moved to Dallas to go to school, only intended to come back to visit....I've been "visiting" for about 3 1/2 years now and it's just been too long.

My eyes hurt. I've been awake less than 3 hours, and I'm tired again. I'm hungry...left the house without eating so maybe I should go home and get something to eat.

Oh, and to those of you that read this far....I'm ok, I'll be ok, I'm not in any danger...if that sees to be changing, I can always go and stay at my grandmother's house til I can get out of here.

Wrote This Last Night...

In reference to 2 Tuesdays ago....

Tragic Girl

Tragic Girl stands outside the Turkey Hill
Shivering under the warm sun
In the cold wind
(Should have took a jacket to work last night)
And makes a phone call.
Phone call gets her nowhere.

Tragic Girl stops to think but
Starts to cry
Doesn't know what to do
Wants to go home but can't
Think how to get there
Even though she could walk the distance
It's not even two miles
Seems like two years
The bus seems just as far
But it's not.

Tragic Girl thinks she's going to be sick
But she isn't.
Starts to walk across the parking lot,
Decides to catch the bus after all.
Doesn't want to stand in front of Turkey Hill all day.

Tragic Girl walking
Down New Holland Ave
Crying her eyes all out al the way
To Duke Street
Must be a sight.

Tragic Girl stops in the coffee shop
Hasn't eaten in 11 hours
Has some time before the bus goes by.
She's hungry.

Tragic Girl has a sandwich.
Chicken salad.
Barely tastes it.
Her eyes are burning like they've been
Hit with Acid

Tragic girl Catches The Bus
But doesn't go home
Goes to the library up
The road instead.
Hides out for a few hours
Then walks the rest of the
Way home-
The long way.

Tragic Girl goes to sleep,
Deep but restless sleep.

Tragic Girl feels like
She's never slept an hour in her life.

Tragic Girl muddles on.



And this one...


in the dark kitchen
dishwasher humming,
ceiling fan on high...
only the faint glow of
the computer monitor
lights the blackness
crossword puzzle book and
coffee with not enough milk
and too much sugar that I
dumped in by accident
disturbing growl of the coffee pot
snaps me out of my little nightmare world
just spent almost two hours on
the phone with a friend but
I'm right back where
I started and just a few
minutes ago, wasn't I
screaming in my sleep?