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Of Brothers And Other Monsters...
Mar. 13th, 2003 03:46 pm....well, I survived the weekened with Chelle...no screaming matches or anyhitng. WOW. Now I'm back to the job hunt. Cause see...the satelite cable thing just isn't gonna work. And my phone bill is due tomorrow. We went to Hershey yesterday. Chocolatey!
Mike and Anthony are home...for at least 2 weeks. Wonderful, lovely, I think I'm gonna go lock myself in my room- actually, I did just that last night.
From the minute they walked in the house, I felt like I had been kicked in the stomach. I think that's become my least favorite feeling in the world. While they're around, any mention of anyhitng even the least bit metaphysical, non-material-world-relevant will be met with all kinds of ridicule and them doing things like pretnding to call up the hospital and say they have a mental patient to be picked up.
Oh...and then they started asking if I would make firestaffs for them. Chelle said they asked about it the other day....soon as I heard this, a very loud voice screamed "NO!" in my head. If they want to do that themselves, fine, but I'm not going to be part of it. I know how they are, how they just think it looks all cool and stuff...well good-o for them, whatever, but knowing how irresponsible they are and all, I know that I would have problems if I were part of it. They got mad and asked why I wouldn't...If I had told them, they would have just started making fun of me and pretending to call the hospital and stuff...I wasn't going to deal with that.
THEN I found out that they had already used my firestaff. When the wicks were coming unwrapped (what did I say about their irresponsibility?) Mine. Without asking, when I wasn't around. Not only that, but they got cut and burned with it. Part of me says serves them right, part of me feels rather emotionally injured. Because it means something to me. More than something. I had talked to the fire while wrapping the wicks. While soaking it in oil, while lighting up, while spinning. And I drew a lot of energy from that.
I know this all sounds crazy to a lot of people. It's just a very personal thing, and I don't know if I should use that one anymore. I don't know why. But I may need to wrap a new firestaff before I spin again.
Mike and Anthony are home...for at least 2 weeks. Wonderful, lovely, I think I'm gonna go lock myself in my room- actually, I did just that last night.
From the minute they walked in the house, I felt like I had been kicked in the stomach. I think that's become my least favorite feeling in the world. While they're around, any mention of anyhitng even the least bit metaphysical, non-material-world-relevant will be met with all kinds of ridicule and them doing things like pretnding to call up the hospital and say they have a mental patient to be picked up.
Oh...and then they started asking if I would make firestaffs for them. Chelle said they asked about it the other day....soon as I heard this, a very loud voice screamed "NO!" in my head. If they want to do that themselves, fine, but I'm not going to be part of it. I know how they are, how they just think it looks all cool and stuff...well good-o for them, whatever, but knowing how irresponsible they are and all, I know that I would have problems if I were part of it. They got mad and asked why I wouldn't...If I had told them, they would have just started making fun of me and pretending to call the hospital and stuff...I wasn't going to deal with that.
THEN I found out that they had already used my firestaff. When the wicks were coming unwrapped (what did I say about their irresponsibility?) Mine. Without asking, when I wasn't around. Not only that, but they got cut and burned with it. Part of me says serves them right, part of me feels rather emotionally injured. Because it means something to me. More than something. I had talked to the fire while wrapping the wicks. While soaking it in oil, while lighting up, while spinning. And I drew a lot of energy from that.
I know this all sounds crazy to a lot of people. It's just a very personal thing, and I don't know if I should use that one anymore. I don't know why. But I may need to wrap a new firestaff before I spin again.
