(no subject)

This is getting old....apparently AOHell ditched my screen name fuego859 so that is no more. fuego4496 is still my screen name on my cell phone. My new screen name on the computer is fiammalibellula

And because I know someone will ask...I've already been asked a few times actually...it's a combination of 2 Italian words...

Fiamma= flame
Libellula= dragonfly

Also...when they deleted fuego859, they deleted my buddy list...it's gone. So if you don't get an instant message from me sometime soon, feel free to message me.

How It All Ended Up...

I decided to wear the pentacle....under my shirt.
I realized around 2am I didn't have a funeral-appropriate shirt that I could do that with.
I decided to wear it anyway and put some faith into my ability to mask things.
Eveything went as peachy as could a funeral be. The mass was a riot (From my non-Catholic poin of view anyway...more on that sometime later)

Went to the funeral home, then to mass. Then to cemtary. Then to eat. Then to Grandmom's house. I got a few pieces of jewelery, an antique purse that she had said several times she wanted to give to me, and a set of glasses and a pitcher that I had loved ever since I was little. So pretty...each glass and the pitcher is a different color of translucent pastel glass. The outside has a white web-like design all over. When I was little, we would visit once or twice a year and I would always stand in front of her china cabinet and look at these glasses and wish I was allowed to use them.

Alpha And Omega...

This thing that my mother seems to see as some little piece of glass hanging around my neck isn't just that. It's much more than I can ever say. It's like a lost piece. I'm very attatched to it at this point in my life. I only take it off when I take a shower.

I used to wonder what was wrong with me because I would go to church or youth bible study groups, or Youth For Christ and I could never find it in me to believe what I thought I was supposed to believe. And then one day I gave up trying and some things clicked. And the world started to make a little more sense. It didn't take long for me to realize that I had found truth. And not only do I believe, but I *know*. I've seen it, felt it, touched it. It's concrete.

I've heard so many people say that questioning their beliefs or giving up their religion was the beginning of a long spiritual battle.

For me it was the end of one.

Just Breathe..

Ok....that's all I'm going to say on that subject for a while now unless it becomes a massive issue again.