Static.

There's far too much going on in my brain right now. I think I can actually feel the synapses firing. Or something. It's starting to drive me crazy. I don't know if I need distraction or focus. Right now I want distraction. There's thise...theme...of sorts that I keep seeing moments of emerging from the static. It's kinda like one of those magic eye pictures from the 90's...except that my eyes keep losing the focus. I can just see what the picture is, but then it shifts back to nonsense again. I'm starting to understand my fascination with quantum physics and string theory, but insanely frustrated that all I can really do is sorta grasp the dictionary definittions of the most vague concepts. I think.

chaotic mind will not still
a clear picture flashes from the static
and i can't see it anymore
everything...nothing...and that which is to be
universe in the space of the vacuum of an atom
what atom holds my universe?
Perceive.
how tiny am I?
how huge is this atom?
everything in everything
codependent and autonomous
i see a flash of pattern and clarity and then an afterimage
fading with infinite slowness
is the spark of a lighter the "big bang" of a new universe?

yeah, this is the sort of place my brain is going. It's anything but new. But uhg...what am I thinking here? It's like...I don't know how exactly, but my mind just kinda synthesised these thoughts into an almost tangible concept that I feel liike I have some sort of inherent understanding of without any reason. I was sitting in XS a little earlier, talking to this guy from my neighborhood about the idea of panentheism...and I touched the table and said "god is in this table"- and it was like something was triggered. I was distracted by conversation at the time, but as soon as we left to return to our respective residences, my mind just went into this scattered, focused hyperdrive.

Or maybe I'm just insane.

Apropos...

Song lyrics.

You create the reason
for your existence
Create the reason
for your existence

How many people really know what
they're talking about
or if what they're saying is true
All I know is what I observe
All the rest is created by mind
It seems there is something
rather than nothing
Non-existence does not exist
I'm trying to explain the essence of being
to get a realization of what I consist

You may think it absurd to make a
theory of reality
when reality is relative
to the mind that occurs
but since the mind that occurs is of the
same species
the genus homo
then I'm talking to you

There's an infinite parallel theory that
the universe splits
into innumerable copies of itself at
every moment
There's a superstring theory that there
are ten dimensions
six of which are so small we never see
It's possible that everything that exists
equals nothing
It just popped into existence through a
quantum fluctuation
and I think it's important that you
consider the fact
that the mind may be a mathematical
abstract


Carl Stephenson
"You Create The Reason"

Blame It On Will Smith...

Yeah, I think that whole train of thought originated way back when I first saw Men In Black.

You know...at the end? Other people thought it was funny, or an interesting thought. Me? It just kinda blew my mind.

Just Thoughts.

I feel better now...except that I feel like I've been flattened by a runaway Mack truck.
This is the result of a thought?

Imagine numbers so high they dont have names...and no matter how high you count, you can always count one higher.
Where does this universe end? What shape is it? Is it spherical? What marks the boundaries? Are there walls? I kinda imagine it like on The Truman Show...after the storm, when Jim Carey's boat hits the wall and he finds the stairs. Maybe the universe doesn't have stairs and a door to exit the studio...but the universe is either infinite or it isn't, and if it isn't...well, it has to end somewhere. And what would the walls be made of? There's a thought...What contains the universe?

Just thoughts.

Right now, Psycho (Er, Fireball) is curled up and sleeping on me. She's adorable when she's asleep. She could care less about what the walls of the universe are made of.