Since Most Of You Aren't ADF Members....

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Ancestors For Those Without Ancestors

The title is a bit absurd, but sometimes, for some of us it feels that way. I'm not the first member of ADF to have problems with the aspect of ancestors in the religion, and by no means the last, but I think I am one of the more outspoken ones. It can be very upsetting to be taking part in a ritual that's focused on the ancestors and to realize that you don't feel like anything is happening. Certainly, the same things can happen with any of the kindred or other aspects of our religion, but for many people the ancestors bears a particular emotional issue. What comes to mind when you hear the word "ancestors"? Many people immediately think of blood ancestors and family. For a lot of them, that's just great! If you're close to your family, get along well, know a good bit about family history, chances are you'll have a decent connection. But what if you're not close to your family, or know little to nothing of your blood ancestors...or worse, what if your family has been a source of extreme trauma and duress in your life?

Well, as many people have told me, blood ancestors are not the only ancestors with whom we may forge connections. Before I continue with that though, let me just say: I do not say that lightly. With the exception of my mother, I am on civil terms at best with most of my family. I also know very little about my ancestors- no one in my family came to the US before the very late 1800's or early 1900's and once you get back to the generation that made the journey here, the lines all just...stop. So you see, I am not being flippant in what I have to say about this subject.

I was involved with Cedarlight Grove for nearly a year when it occurred to me that I might have some problems with the ancestors. Our 2005 Samhain ritual was the first I've participated in where the ancestors were a particular focus. During the ritual, we were to take a meditative journey to the underworld, and bring the ancestors back with us. Before we did that, we were to call out the name or names of the ancestors whom we wished to meet there. I called out the name of an ancestor whose name I know, but whose details I don't but I've always been curious about and followed the guided journey...to an anonymous crowd. Everyone's ancestors it seemed, but mine. I tried calling out names of those I had actually met- my great grandmother that had passed on when I was in high school, an aunt that had died only a few years before. Nothing. I couldn't even consciously bring the image of their faces to my mind. This was a little upsetting, and later when reading the oracle, for the rune of the present, Will drew the blank rune and announced: "The ancestors were never here." This of course was not meant literally...but it felt like it to me. This was the lowest that I'd felt in any ritual in which I'd ever taken part.

When discussion for Yule came about a couple of weeks later, the idea was proposed that we include elements of a Norse sumbul- during part of which a drinking horn is passed around the circle, each participant takes a drink and makes a toast to their ancestors. I was determined to not allow this to bother me as Samhain had, but it wasn't until shortly beforehand I began to see what I could do. In Cedarlight Grove, we frequently refer to the gods "of a thousand names remembered and a thousand names forgotten"...why not the ancestors too? That night I made my toast to the ancestors who have been forgotten, to those who have no one to remember them, and whose memories have been erased or altered through history. I feel a bit akin to them, it was wholly appropriate and this time I felt that someone heard my words and in some small way responded to them.

From one ritual to the next, I forced myself to figure something out, if nothing else to avoid being depressed because I felt again that my familial ancestors had abandoned me. Likely I will need to keep thinking on this one for Samhain this year; we'll see how that goes. There are, as I previously mentioned, other ancestors that we can turn to: Ancestors of place, historical figures, e.g. George Washington, the "father of our country", cultural ancestors of your hearth, vocational ancestors- for instance, a writer may look to Shakespeare or Douglas Adams; A scientist to Marie Curie or Albert Einstein. These are just a few examples. They do not take the place of blood ancestors, but perhaps as you go along your path and figure out how you'd like to deal with that, they might help to make that void a little less vast.

As to how you work through whatever issues you have, that's up to you and your situation. If it's a question of simply knowing about your family's history, you may start with talking to family members, finding out what they know and what records they have. You can expand your search from there to include libraries, government records and of course, the internet. Personal matters on the other hand, probably won't be so cut and dried. It may be a matter of talking out differences with one or two people or it may be a matter of seeking counseling or other methods of dealing with problems. Some people may be able to resolve their differences and ease the way for connecting to the ancestors; others may find this an ongoing struggle.

I hope that if you've read this essay and found yourself in this sort of situation, it's given you a little help in how to work with the aspect of ancestors within ADF. If nothing else I hope it's shown you that you're not alone, we all have our difficulties somewhere along the path. This one has been mine and I felt that it needed to be discussed because if I were struggling with it, surely someone else somewhere would be too. Again, I hope this has been helpful and I wish you well on your journey.

Comments

[tantric-pixie.livejournal.com]

There are, as I previously mentioned, other ancestors that we can turn to: Ancestors of place, historical figures, e.g. George Washington, the "father of our country"

I never thought of this, but it makes sense and goes hand in hand with honoring spirits of the land. Figures like Washington and Jefferson, for Americans anyway, are legendary and have become something bigger. They are part of the greater spirit of the land. (and as it is right around the corner, this idea brings a fresh look at the Fourth if July... an American Ancestors altar?)

[pagandenma.livejournal.com]

Also, this is a very appropriate discussion topic for those of us in ADF who are adopted.

I'm lucky enough to have a deep and fun adopted family history, but I don't know a thing about my birth families except that I have some Irish and Scottish ancestry. I'd love to find them (and soon, because my birth parents would be in their early 60's), just to get ethnic and medical information and a bit of history . . .but it's a ton of work!

[chironcentaur.livejournal.com]

Very good essay, congrats on getting it published. :-)