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badstarMy shiny little blue book-o-invocations is up to 13 now. Though, should be 14. There is one that I wrote for a ritual a few months back but never used. I want to keep it because I liked it (It was one that I just blasted out in about 3 minutes, and I was pretty damned impressed because it was to a deity with whom I'm not at all very familiar....I keep forgetting to copy it into my book, and the paper that it's on floats by from time to time, so next time I see it, I'll definitely have to snag it and get it in there.
'tis interesting, roughly half of these invocations (as well as the one never used) are all to deities asked to stand as gatekeeper.
I was talking to Will on Saturday night after ritual, and it's occurred to me that I've developed a particular fascination for that part of liturgy.
On Friday night, I did a personal ritual up at the grove, in honor of Asteria and Nyx. I had said that anyone who wanted to was welcome to participate but no one else showed up.
It's just as well, because in the end, that ritual was only for me.
I was standing in front of the well, with my eyes closed and in my mind, I reached down into the well, down through the water and the rocks, into the dirt below, and my hands turned into water. I reached down through the well until I felt the gates- solid doors at the bottom of the well. I felt for the crack between the doors, and for the latch to open them...and then suddenly, I wasn't reaching downwards into the well, instead I was standing in front of the doors...and then I was suddenly pulled through the cracks to the other side. I turned around to face the doors again, and with no effort, pushed the doors open from the other side. When this happened, I saw colored mosaic patterns behind my closed eyelids. It's easy to say where the patterns came from- they were very much like the images I've been coloring in the coloring book that some of you saw me with this weekend.
The same thing happened with the well and the tree also. And then just after that, I was standing in the sanctuary, eyes open again, and off to the side a bit between the fire and tree, and in my mind, I saw this swirling transparent cylinder rise up through the ground, surrounding the sanctuary, just outside the circle of flagstones, it extended up towards the sky, farther than I can see, even in my mind.
And then I sat down on the center stone, lit some incense, and I read the Orphic hymn to Nyx, and when I finished reading, I contemplated a bit, and as I meditated, images came to mind...a black scorpion, an immense black bird with a woman's eyes, a lantern that was burning (that it, the lantern's structure was burning, not the wick, a small house burning and imploding on itself, me flying in outer space...at one point I started to lose concentration, and I heard in my mind "I'm losing you, you can't hear me clearly. Come back." I read the hymn again and regained my concentration, and the same images played over again, and then words formed in my mind as if someone had spoke them, but there was no voice. And then the voiceless words informed me that someone else was waiting for me. I opened my eyes for a minute and drank some water, lit some more incense, and then closed them again in meditation and soon there was a voice in my mind, this voice becoming familiar...low in pitch, rich and full, she spoke slowly. There were no mental images, only words and a voice. She said a lot in a short time. and then I was back in my normal mind. The sticks of incense that I had lit just before this second meditation had all stopped burning instead of burning down to the end...and they had all burned to exactly the same length, where all the others that I'd lit burned different lengths, some much quicker than others.
The other thing that I realized when I opened my eyes was that I was exhausted. I wasn't tired when I started, but here I was feeling, as I later said, like I'd been run through a giant office shredder. At first, I could barely stand. I felt a little better after I drank some more water, but I went home soon after that, and well...spent a good bit more time on the computer than I planned to (I'd planned to take a 2-minute look at my email...) and then went to bed and slept til nearly noon on Saturday
So anyway, this whole thing with the gatekeeper and gate-opening fascination just reminds me, or maybe it's because, I still feel like I'm waiting on something, and I don't know what...and for far too long, this song has expressed it far too perfectly....
Any minute now my ship is coming in
I'll keep checking the horizon
And I'll stand on the bow
And feel the waves come crashing
Come crashing down, down, down on me
And you said,"Be still, my love
Open up your heart
Let the light shine in"
Don't you understand?
I already have a plan
I'm waiting for my real life to begin
When I awoke today suddenly nothing happened
But in my dreams I slew the dragon
And down this beaten path
And up this cobbled lane
I'm walking in my own footsteps once again
And you say,"Just be here now
Forget about the past
Your mask is wearing thin"
Let me throw one more dice
I know that I can win
I'm waiting for my real life to begin
Any minute now my ship is coming in
I'll keep checking the horizon
And I'll check my machine
There's sure to be that call
It's gonna happen soon, soon, oh so very soon
It's just that times are lean
And you say,"Be still, my love
Open up your heart
Let the light shine in"
Don't you understand?
I already have a plan
I'm waiting for my real life to begin
On a clear day
I can see, see for a long way
And then I had a feeling that maybe finishing my DP might be what I'm waiting for- or at least part of it- to move forward with "my real life"....
Maybe. I guess I'll find out soon enough.
'tis interesting, roughly half of these invocations (as well as the one never used) are all to deities asked to stand as gatekeeper.
I was talking to Will on Saturday night after ritual, and it's occurred to me that I've developed a particular fascination for that part of liturgy.
On Friday night, I did a personal ritual up at the grove, in honor of Asteria and Nyx. I had said that anyone who wanted to was welcome to participate but no one else showed up.
It's just as well, because in the end, that ritual was only for me.
I was standing in front of the well, with my eyes closed and in my mind, I reached down into the well, down through the water and the rocks, into the dirt below, and my hands turned into water. I reached down through the well until I felt the gates- solid doors at the bottom of the well. I felt for the crack between the doors, and for the latch to open them...and then suddenly, I wasn't reaching downwards into the well, instead I was standing in front of the doors...and then I was suddenly pulled through the cracks to the other side. I turned around to face the doors again, and with no effort, pushed the doors open from the other side. When this happened, I saw colored mosaic patterns behind my closed eyelids. It's easy to say where the patterns came from- they were very much like the images I've been coloring in the coloring book that some of you saw me with this weekend.
The same thing happened with the well and the tree also. And then just after that, I was standing in the sanctuary, eyes open again, and off to the side a bit between the fire and tree, and in my mind, I saw this swirling transparent cylinder rise up through the ground, surrounding the sanctuary, just outside the circle of flagstones, it extended up towards the sky, farther than I can see, even in my mind.
And then I sat down on the center stone, lit some incense, and I read the Orphic hymn to Nyx, and when I finished reading, I contemplated a bit, and as I meditated, images came to mind...a black scorpion, an immense black bird with a woman's eyes, a lantern that was burning (that it, the lantern's structure was burning, not the wick, a small house burning and imploding on itself, me flying in outer space...at one point I started to lose concentration, and I heard in my mind "I'm losing you, you can't hear me clearly. Come back." I read the hymn again and regained my concentration, and the same images played over again, and then words formed in my mind as if someone had spoke them, but there was no voice. And then the voiceless words informed me that someone else was waiting for me. I opened my eyes for a minute and drank some water, lit some more incense, and then closed them again in meditation and soon there was a voice in my mind, this voice becoming familiar...low in pitch, rich and full, she spoke slowly. There were no mental images, only words and a voice. She said a lot in a short time. and then I was back in my normal mind. The sticks of incense that I had lit just before this second meditation had all stopped burning instead of burning down to the end...and they had all burned to exactly the same length, where all the others that I'd lit burned different lengths, some much quicker than others.
The other thing that I realized when I opened my eyes was that I was exhausted. I wasn't tired when I started, but here I was feeling, as I later said, like I'd been run through a giant office shredder. At first, I could barely stand. I felt a little better after I drank some more water, but I went home soon after that, and well...spent a good bit more time on the computer than I planned to (I'd planned to take a 2-minute look at my email...) and then went to bed and slept til nearly noon on Saturday
So anyway, this whole thing with the gatekeeper and gate-opening fascination just reminds me, or maybe it's because, I still feel like I'm waiting on something, and I don't know what...and for far too long, this song has expressed it far too perfectly....
Any minute now my ship is coming in
I'll keep checking the horizon
And I'll stand on the bow
And feel the waves come crashing
Come crashing down, down, down on me
And you said,"Be still, my love
Open up your heart
Let the light shine in"
Don't you understand?
I already have a plan
I'm waiting for my real life to begin
When I awoke today suddenly nothing happened
But in my dreams I slew the dragon
And down this beaten path
And up this cobbled lane
I'm walking in my own footsteps once again
And you say,"Just be here now
Forget about the past
Your mask is wearing thin"
Let me throw one more dice
I know that I can win
I'm waiting for my real life to begin
Any minute now my ship is coming in
I'll keep checking the horizon
And I'll check my machine
There's sure to be that call
It's gonna happen soon, soon, oh so very soon
It's just that times are lean
And you say,"Be still, my love
Open up your heart
Let the light shine in"
Don't you understand?
I already have a plan
I'm waiting for my real life to begin
On a clear day
I can see, see for a long way
And then I had a feeling that maybe finishing my DP might be what I'm waiting for- or at least part of it- to move forward with "my real life"....
Maybe. I guess I'll find out soon enough.
