Jesus...powerless against the New York Times crossword puzzle?

[badstar]

This was on Craigslist. Too good not to share:

I am looking for me someone to love as much as I love Jesus, but obviously in a different way.

Since Jesus has been in my life I have found nothing to be impossible. I can do everything and anything. Except for the NYTimes crossword puzzle (Jesus can only help me so much).

I am looking for a woman ready to bear somewhere between 5-10 children. I will always work, always paint the house, water the lawn, and even cook sometimes. I just ask that you dust because I am allergic.

I am 5'6 with brown hair, slight build, no tatoos. I have had sex before but it was with a woman who said awful things that made me cry. I do not like to make love again unless its for children. Oh the things she said and the way she took the lords name improper. Just bad dirty!!

I would like you to be yourself as God made you and Jesus supervised. You can wear hats if you choose. I don't mind a stutter if you have one. Don't be a blinker though. I don't like when people blink too much or squeeze their eyes. I feel like they don't want to SEE JESUS. Sorry I got excited.

I would like to know when you found Jesus and where you found him.

I would like to know your favorite non-confrontational television broadcast and what snack you eat while watching it.

Please email me and I can take you out for a meatball parmigiana, my favorite (you can eat whatever you want but I'll be eating that).

Bless you.

Comments

[fuego.livejournal.com]

LOL...actually, I had this mental image of a weenie little guy carrying around a bible, going out on a date to a well-lit restaurant with an equally weenie stuttering- but not blinking!!!- girl and a chaperone, then sitting on opposite ends of a sofa with the chaperone between them, each with their own bowl of popcorn, watching the Left Behind movie.

[seaya.livejournal.com]

Link?

[fuego.livejournal.com]

http://baltimore.craigslist.org/m4w/550644102.html

[shockwave.livejournal.com]

And, of course, you can wear hats if you choose. I like that line. :)

[blackpaladin.livejournal.com]

Oh my Gods, Mike Huckabee has taken out a personals ad in Baltimore's Craigslist?! ;-)

"Don't be a blinker." Uh... yeah.

"I would like to know when you found Jesus and where you found him." Last week, he was behind the couch, and BOY WAS HE PISSED THAT YOUR WOMAN WASN'T DUSTING ENOUGH. He's allergic, too, y'know.

<headdesk>

[grayspirit.livejournal.com]

Please make the scary monsters go away, Mommy!

[unprotoize.livejournal.com]

Instant classic. Flag for "best of" now now now!

[fervid-dryfire.livejournal.com]

I think that if we all wrote as honestly and openly as he did, people would laugh at each one of us, too.

Even though I'm not a girl I think one could- if looking at it the right way- might describe it as "sweet" if also more than a little awkward...but I'm not a girl.


I have had sex before but it was with a woman who said awful things that made me cry.

I'll be honest, I laugh and feel sad for him simultaneously in reaction to this. I've been there too, to an extent.

[brontosproximo.livejournal.com]

Yay, less competition!

[sparkleplenty03.livejournal.com]

hehehehe. "bad dirty!"

I'm so glad he'd let me wear hats. Did I tell you about the last guy who said I could only wear headkerchiefs? Sheesh.

(What community on Craigslist was this?!)