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Jan. 5th, 2009 02:03 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
badstarI started a post about Christmas, but haven't finished it yet- will probably tonight at work.
I've got this box, one of those big Rubbermaid totes, full of yarn- it's just this big, huge, giant tangle. Every now and then I pick and pull at it, getting bits and pieces loose, usually trying for a specific segment. Last night and today, I spent a few hours just workng on getting anything free that I could. Last night, Gavin was awake and we were talking and stuff was on TV. Today, it was just me and my thoughts.
There's this thing about doing that for a long period of time. The brain needs something to do too. It starts thinking about stuff.
I started thinking about Christmas and my mom. And Gavin's talking about staying here next year for Christmas if we haven't yet made it out to the west coast. And the fact that I have lived in Baltimore for five and a half years, and if I want to see my family, I always have to go visit them. I have no car, so I always have to buy a ticket there, which costs roughly $100 there and back. Well, my parents anyway. My sister was here once. My brother Mike has been here twice, and Anthony was here once. Maria's probably going to come down and visit at some point in the next couple of months.
The only time my parents have made the shot down 83 was to pick me up at my office and bring me back to Lancaster as a favor to my sister so I could try on the dress for her wedding a year and a half ago, and that was only to come to Hunt Valley and leave again right away with me, it wasn't a visit.
I think that if we are here this year, I will also stay in Baltimore for Christmas. If anyone wants to see me, they can come to me for once.
Mom and Mike own their own business. Their stuff is booked months in advance, but my mom's always "but we never know when we're going to be free or not"- My ass they don't. you know, if they wanted to pick a date four or five months down the road and say "Well, we know we have this date free now, so we'll come down then." it would be more effort than they're making now. If someone wants to schedule an event for that date, they can always say "Sorry, we're booked that day." They wouldn't even *have* to take more than one day if they wanted to. Baltimore is an entire hour and a half away.
For all my family relationships either sucking so badly or being nonexistent, and for everything that happened for so many years, I really thought I had a decent relationship with my mother, all things considered, but it really feels like a lot of things are slowly breaking apart in the last couple of years. For all she says he wants to see me, she doesn't seem to try very hard. Then she says it's the business, or Mike doesn't feel like making the drive (legitemately, she can't drive due to her eyesight, though that would be corrected of she would just go to the eye doctor and buy some new contact lenses.) but if she really wanted to visit, she could just hop on a train like I do. I lived just around the corner from the station for two years, now I live two blocks away. Wouldn't even have to get a cab to my place.
But, y'know, whatever.
I've got this box, one of those big Rubbermaid totes, full of yarn- it's just this big, huge, giant tangle. Every now and then I pick and pull at it, getting bits and pieces loose, usually trying for a specific segment. Last night and today, I spent a few hours just workng on getting anything free that I could. Last night, Gavin was awake and we were talking and stuff was on TV. Today, it was just me and my thoughts.
There's this thing about doing that for a long period of time. The brain needs something to do too. It starts thinking about stuff.
I started thinking about Christmas and my mom. And Gavin's talking about staying here next year for Christmas if we haven't yet made it out to the west coast. And the fact that I have lived in Baltimore for five and a half years, and if I want to see my family, I always have to go visit them. I have no car, so I always have to buy a ticket there, which costs roughly $100 there and back. Well, my parents anyway. My sister was here once. My brother Mike has been here twice, and Anthony was here once. Maria's probably going to come down and visit at some point in the next couple of months.
The only time my parents have made the shot down 83 was to pick me up at my office and bring me back to Lancaster as a favor to my sister so I could try on the dress for her wedding a year and a half ago, and that was only to come to Hunt Valley and leave again right away with me, it wasn't a visit.
I think that if we are here this year, I will also stay in Baltimore for Christmas. If anyone wants to see me, they can come to me for once.
Mom and Mike own their own business. Their stuff is booked months in advance, but my mom's always "but we never know when we're going to be free or not"- My ass they don't. you know, if they wanted to pick a date four or five months down the road and say "Well, we know we have this date free now, so we'll come down then." it would be more effort than they're making now. If someone wants to schedule an event for that date, they can always say "Sorry, we're booked that day." They wouldn't even *have* to take more than one day if they wanted to. Baltimore is an entire hour and a half away.
For all my family relationships either sucking so badly or being nonexistent, and for everything that happened for so many years, I really thought I had a decent relationship with my mother, all things considered, but it really feels like a lot of things are slowly breaking apart in the last couple of years. For all she says he wants to see me, she doesn't seem to try very hard. Then she says it's the business, or Mike doesn't feel like making the drive (legitemately, she can't drive due to her eyesight, though that would be corrected of she would just go to the eye doctor and buy some new contact lenses.) but if she really wanted to visit, she could just hop on a train like I do. I lived just around the corner from the station for two years, now I live two blocks away. Wouldn't even have to get a cab to my place.
But, y'know, whatever.
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no subject
Date: 2009-01-05 08:25 pm (UTC)When my dad lived in Virginia for ten years, I went to visit him once. He never invited me again. He would come out to see me, certainly, but never the other way around. I honestly don't know if there was a reason for that, or it just didn't occur to him that I would want to be invited. And since I felt awkward about it, I never asked.
Parents are weird.
no subject
Date: 2009-01-06 01:39 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-01-06 07:41 am (UTC)All because his father won't get off his ass and drive down here. Ever.
I can't say it makes me terribly happy with the man. So yeah, I know how you feel. I can't really say much about it, either, both because he gets very upset at hearing his sainted father criticized and because I swore a long time ago not to force him into a choice between me and his family. But this shit massively tries my patience.