badstar

So we get a lovely email today informing us that a Big Important Client is coming to visit tomorrow and everyone is supposed to clean their desks. They do that occasionally around here.

Once upon a time that meant "make sure things were nice and orderly and for gods sakes, throw away that science experiment that looks like it might once have been your lunch."

At some point a year or two ago, someone got the idea that it should mean that one should have no items that are not work-related on your desk. No pictures, no doo-dads, none of that. Honestly, I don't get it. All over the country, people put personal stuff on their desks. Yeah, it shouldn't be insane, but an item or two? Come on. I keep a tube of lip balm on my keyboard, a box or two of tea, a bottle of water and usually a packet of ibuprofin, a couple of alcohol wipes, and a couple of food delivery menus on my desk. Lately, I've had an unread copy of various plays of Euripides kicking around, some a packet or two of ketchup and a few pieces of paper with some work-related notes plus copious scribbles and doodles.

Add that to a couple of pens, a notepad or two, some training manuals and product-related documents, a few electronic devices issued to me by the company for my work, and a few other work things like some insurance papers (nothing personal, just a few information sheets).

My desk is relatively neat and clean for all that's on it- it's a decent-sized desk, there's room to spare.

No, this is too much. And it's not just me, it's everyone. We've been informed today that we are to remove everything from our desk except for a notepad and a pen. One pen. not two. One. Oh, and computer towers must be located to the right of computer monitors.

Seriously people. We don't want these Big Important Clients to come in and get the idea that we're the sort of company that lets people have such extravagances as a second pen on their desk, now do we. And towers to the left of your monitors? Now you're stepping into dangerous territory. If you give them that, they'll be putting all sorts of crazy things out for the world to see. Like Paper clips. And a stapler. And you know what paper clips and staplers lead to. Drunkenness in the parking lot! Debauchery on the board room table! And then look out, people will start wearing sneakers to work. And dying their hair blue. That'll lead to spiky neon orange mohawks and flip flops. Next thing you know, they'll think it's okay to call their bosses by their first name. Mayhem! Anarchy! What about the children? Oh please won't somebody think of the children?

I'm so tempted to put a second pen here, and maybe even throw in a pencil from the supply closet. And move my tower to the left side. Bet no one ever notices.

Seriously people, this is insane. Beyond ridiculous. I'm sure these people coming to visit understand just fine about having a second pen on your desk and a couple of paper clips. Maybe even a family photo or two. I understand telling the guy with the tower of Mountain Dew cans to throw them away- that's ridiculous, but to tell people to move EVERYTHING off their desks but a notepad and a single pen? Come on. People don't function like that and you can't tell me that you think for a second that these people buy it that our desks always look like this.