badstar

You Failed Me.
What else can I say but up to this point in my life, you failed me. What kind of father leaves 2 kids behind and moves off with the other two to Texas...and lies to the mother for months and months that all 4 are with you? What kind of father lets his parents tell his kids that their mother doesn't love them, is a prostitute, an alcoholic and a druggie? And not only lets them tell that, but tells the same story...especially when it's not true? What kind of father let's his stepdaughter- who's twice as big as any of his kids- paddle them whenever she feels like they've done somethign she doesn't like, as if a 15-year-old stepsister is another parent? You didn't pay child support for how many years? You were $30,000 behind and all you could do was complain about it...and Grammy and Grandfather wanted us to feel bad for you being put in jail? Did you not care enough to have contributed to clothing adn housing us? It sure looks that way from where I'm standing.

Do you know that I never think about you without serious reason? It's not that I try to forget you, but I have no reason to think about you. You've given me no reason. Do you know that I forget that I was at your wedding to Karen? I forget that you're married again with another stepdaughter. I have a stepmother and stepsister? When did that happen? I have nothing against Karen and Tarna...they did nothing wrong here.

Those few times you used to call, you'd finish talking about nothing in particular and ask to talk to someone else, and then right before I'd put them on, you'd add in what seemed as an afterthought "I love you, you know right?" I'd always say yes, but How the hell was I supposed to say "No, I really don't know. You say one thing...but your action scream the opposite. What am I supposed to believe?"

Michelle called me tonight and told me that you were going to the hospital. Maybe it's just me assuming the worst, but I have a bad feeling...when I think of the possibility of you dying, I don't think "I'll never see my daddy again" I think "Well...now I know for sure there's no chance he'll ever bother with me"

Why am I not saying this directly to you? I don't know, you tell me...last time I tried, you made all kinds of promises to call more and visit more and then I didn't hear from you for a year and a half...