Sometimes...

[badstar]

Sometimes I wish I could be a little more conventional, just for a day or something...no I'm not weirdest person ever, but I don't exactly toe the straight and narrow either. And here I start with the "my family" thing again..My sister and brothers really don't know me. I don't really know them, though I know I know them a bit better than they know me. They might be able to guess at my favorite color. They couldn't tell you my favorite movie. They look at me and they think I'm dumb, abnormal, stupid, embarassing, weird, whatever.

Sometimes I wish that just for oh...a day, I could just find myself back in PA, with regular reddish-brown hair, working at a job my grandmother would like for me..a teacher, a nurse, somethign like that, with a nice little house a kid or two, in love with a guy who's nice, stable and kinda boring. Not because most of my family seems to think I should...but to see what it's like. When my mom was my age, she had been married for almost 9 years and had 4 kids. Granted, I still say my parents never should have gotten married, let alone stayed married for 11 years, but I'm not going off on my pointed disagreement on the issue of getting married or staying married "for the kids"

What's my point? I don't know. Am I happy that I've chosen a life slightly less ordinary? Yes. Am I sure? Yes. I kinda wish I could see myself as my family sees me...again out of curiousity. i know how they feel about me...I'm still "Mommy's Little Girl", Samantha adores me, Chelle, Mike and Anthony scoff at me. My father...I dunno, I guess he loves me? My grandmother (and in the past, my grandfather)...wish I were different...but still, it's always been very thinly veiled that I'm The Favored One (And don't for a second think that I enjoy it or ever have. If I really wanted, I could have anything within their means (Ok, now just my grandmother's, but still very clear that it's all still *theirs*), but it would come at a very steep price. I would forever owe an unpayable debt of gratitude that would be held over my head. I know what they think of me...but how do they see me? What, who do they see when they look at me?

How do you see me?

Comments

[sunneyone.livejournal.com]

i see you as a beautiful, unique, creative individual.
just be you. you're wonderful.

[odalisques.livejournal.com]

Always in the middle of something creative and entertaining.

[dcnblus.livejournal.com]

You are who you are :) And one of the few people in this world that actually makes me seem normal. But we've discussed that before *chuckle*

Tho, having met a good deal of your family - from the fluffy bunnies to the scoffers - they should just be happy that you don't need any of what they have, at any price.

[thedalikiss.livejournal.com]

you're fabulous is what you are. don't let family get to you too baddly, speaking from experience, you'll never really live up to their dreams of "the perfect little girl." besides, why would you want to? being your own person is much more interesting.

we spend 18 years under our family's roof and the rest of our lives trying to repair the damage.

[fervid-dryfire.livejournal.com]

I see you as friendly, thoughtful, and observant. Beyond that I have no idea! =D

Normal

[jackgreen60.livejournal.com]

Hey Fuego, I see you as no stranger than anyone else at the Grove, self definitely included.
So to the Grove you are most normal. Something to remember in your ponderings. You can easily
change your hair, and clothing. What I can't change is what is on the inside. And that, is the most
unconventional of all. The wonderful point is, I have no desire to change that, and neither should you.

Jack

[liritsvoice.livejournal.com]

hon, i see you as a wonderful friend. for the most part i *think* i understand you, and even if i've gotten that wrong, i'm still honored to call you friend. i rejoice with you in your freedom and creativity!!!!! your fearless spirit is such an encouragement to me. even if your family doesnt understand you, i hope you know that your friends will always be here to accept you and welcome you. yeesh, i sure wish my family welcomed and accepted me as i am... but since they dont, i'm extra glad to have friends like you in my life!!!

unveiled-'go'
"go where you are loved, where you welcomed with open arms. go, where love is a sure thing. there'll be a celebration when you come home."

[liritsvoice.livejournal.com]

and BAH!!!!!!! normal is *SO* overrated. ;-) (of course, i say this never having tried it myself) :-D