Long, Uneventful Day.

[badstar]

I woke up around 9 this morning. And fell immediately back to sleep, and into a dream that I was unable to wake myself from. One that literally lasted until I managed to wake up again....at 3 PM.

I had another dream that Alex had never died...and I was just finding out about this like....now. It was extremely detailed and extremely upsetting as al of these dreams have been. Every time I have a dream that she's stil alive, it's the same scenario...I've gone on with my life and everything since she died when we were 18, and I find out in present time that despite the funeral and all that...she never did die. Either she never had cancer or it was just...gone. And in every dream, she appears as if she was still part of my normal every day life al along, and then distances herself from me, saying that it's best that I go on as if she had died, or something like that. This time she didn't say anything like that. But she *acted* very aloof. And at some point in this dream, smeone else- a complete stranger was talking to us, looked right at me and said "The two of you were very close once. Inside each other's heads really. And something pulled you apart. And hurt you most of all." (And looked right at me very hard with the last bit about hurting most of all.) And I looked at Alex and I said to her "Yes, that's true. And we can talk about that later."

Just before that, there had been a moment where I was trying to read her thoughts, to get back into her head. Someone else was there actively distracting me, trying to keep me from doing that. They succeeded and that was the point where the aboce dialog came in (The stranger was not the person trying to keep me out of her thoughts.)

When I woke up, it was...as other times with similar dreams...like she had died all over again, I was that upset. I hopped on the internet ooking for something to distract me (I honesty wasn't looking for anything in particular) The posts from earlier today...we, they may have been expressed with a bit more enthusiasm than I would have displayed otherwise (Though my thoughts on the matter do not change in the least bit)

But...yeah...it's been a day. Oh, and I did some laundry too.

Comments

[marilyth.livejournal.com]

I have those dreams too. They're disheartening when you wake up and realize that it was just a dream.