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[badstar]

I don't feel like being inside my head right now. (dcnblus, I have to say..I'm really glad youre having a good trip, but it really does suck to not have someone to talk to who has a reasonable idea of what's going on in my brain.)

I have about 30 different thoughts pertaining to what was going on in my head last night, this ritual i'm doing in um...10 days...

And over top of everything, there's somehting that I just can't quite place...

One part "perpetual crossroads"...every time something big happens in my life, I cross one crossroads and find myself immediately at another- I feel like I've been at one since about 5 seconds after I finaly acknowledged that I was going to do the clergy thing...

...which sorta relates to this big, echoing "now what?"

It's very much like the big, echoing "Now what" that was in my mind a few years ago, the morning I woke up after coming to the realization that I was able to forgive my grandparents and father for how they've hurt me.

I feel kinda like I just put a 3000 piece jigsaw puzzle together. After you put a puzzle together, what do you do? You take it apart, put it back in the box, and maybe someday down the road you take it out, put it together, lather rinse repeat. Or mybe you get sme adhesive, glue it and frame it.

Unfortunately, events and thoughts can't be glued and framed. And they're not taken apart and put back in the box...so you're left with this metaphorical jigsaw puzze sitting on your desk. What do you do with it?

What do I do with this?

And there's one more thing...one...something...that I have no clue what's up- I fee like I'm missing something. There's something I'm ignoring or oblivious to. This has been in and out of my head for...ages. Like if I could figure out what I'm missing here, I'd be able to glue the puzzle together or put it back in its box.

Great, now I have this urge to go buy a 3000 piece jigsaw puzzle and put it together.

In other news, TreeSan is alive and kicking now that there is a new hard drive installed...but I need to find a really long ethernet cord to run the cable down from the 3rd foor to the router. This also means that I can watch DVD's on El Monstro again. AND I can get a new computer next month. Though I've already decided that my birthday present to myself is going to be a tattoo...though that won't happen if I can't draw the design (Anyone feel like drawing? I can give you a description of what I want. I cant draw right now.)

If you've taken the time to read this entry, you have my sincerest apologies as I assume that I have just given you a splitting migraine.

I am suddenly feeling insanely restless. My (nonexistant) sense of time is really messing with me. I feel like its midnight, but I also fee like I just had lunch like an hour ago. (Yes, there was dinner in the meantime, I ate at Thairish with a friend that I recently met.)

I think I'm gonna go and put Habersham on my ipod and drift off into the night. I have to wake up early tomorrow anyway. Maybe after work I'll wander down to the Harbor or something.

There's a scratch on my arm. It doesn't hurt. But I don't like it being there. I want it gone. *poof* Yes, I am unreasonable.

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*hugs* thanks

i've gotten out of...whatever...it was that was going on in my head....