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So, by the way...I've been elected to the grove Witan, I just don't know precisely what position yet. Well, ok...I tied with Jack for scribe. We're trying to figure out how to handle the tied vote thing but it looks something like Jack is going to take scribe and another position will be created for me. One that Caryn wants is a historian-type thing, though the title she's pushing for is "Lore Master"- I agreed to do it if I can wear a cape and have theme music precede me- something sweeping and epic should do. Crystal also suggested Chief Liturgist, which I'd definitely be interested in doing. What does chief Liturgist do? Who knows? We haven't had the position before. I said I'd be happy to figure that out/define the position, and suggested that Lore Master be an alter ego/sub-persona of the Chief Liturgist.

We shall see what happens in the next few days. New Witan takes office effective this weekend.

For the moment, I need to write a call to join for the Hellenic kin.

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Just changed my travel plans...I'm going up to PA on Sunday night instead of Monday afternoon.

Just found out that Mom's working all day Christmas day- bartending, then they have a karaoke show *grumble* and apparently there's not Christmas day at Chelle's which I swear I heard from three different people. guess I'll need to call Chelle to check on that.

Mom suggested that I spend Christmas day with my grandmother. I can barely spend an hour with her, I'm not spending the day with her.

Oh. And my mom decided to buy me clothing for my birthday and Christmas. The last time she did that, I swore she must have hated me because she bought me a velour track suit. I'm scared. I didn't expect her to have shopping done so soon and was going to tell give her a list of books, or ask her to just grab a Borders or Barnes and Noble gift card.


and in other news, Roland seems to have vanished into the aether...

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Charles is hellbent on me teaching a class at Ecumenicon on something or other Hellenic. Preferably, it seems, related to the Homeric hymns (this came up back in October after he saw some of the ones I'd written) and current;y has two time slots reserved for me.

Eep. Two. When I was talking to him before, he was talking about doing this for the 2009 conference. I had later emailed him with a different idea that was more apropos to the conference theme, he liked that idea and asked me to write up a proposal if I wanted to do it....and then a whole bunch of things happened and it fell by the wayside. Then I came into work tonight and found an email from him in my inbox saying that I have two spaces reserved. (Unfortunately, one is up against Jane Sibley's ritual, which I would love to take part in again. It was quite the experience last time.)

So I emailed Charles and told him that what I would want to do is one on a discussion of ancient hymns, and one on creation myth and the protogenoi.

So...it seems the gods want to keep me out of trouble. Arkon Polemakros, CLG Witan, clergy training, now this.

This all reminds me, I haven't been writing hymns lately. I need to start doing that again. I opened a notebook yesterday and found the beginning of one to Athena...I remember having a great idea for one and then losing it. Hopefully, I can recover it. Or come up with something else.

So I'm looking through the Ecumenicon schedule and seeing several classes on material apropos to the CTP- mostly in the realm of divination. That can't hurt. Pass up the opportunity to learn about rune casting with Jane Sibley? Not I. Ethnics of divination....yeah, very useful topics.

(no subject)

Chelle's not doing Christmas at her house, apparently that was just Thanksgiving. My aunt Nadine is doing all day Christmas eve at her place. Now Ashlyn's going to be in Lancaster Sunday night to Monday afternoon and I'm trying to finagle seeing her somehow- and will probably only be able to do that Sunday night. and that all hinges on Mike (my brother Mike, that is) not being an ass. mom's working all day Christmas day, so I'm going to go over to Chelle's during the day..I guess that'll be my time to try and teach Samantha how to knit (Chelle bought her a kit some time ago thinking it was crochet for some reason, and thinking that she could figure it out herself. Chelle, it seems, was wrong. More likely, I'll be able to teach HER to knit and let her contend with Child. I'll have to take along some extra needles just in case.) Christmas night I may very well end up going to karaoke unless I decide I really want to spend the night bumming around Grandma Jane's by myself. (Not an entirely unattractive idea when compared to the alternative. But then on Christmas night, it will probably be really dead and not full of annoying people so who knows...I think they're working at a place close by the house so if it gets really bad, maybe I can just walk home. I'll try to see about seeing Kathy, Heather...someone, anyone on Wednesday morning before I leave to come back to Baltimore. We'll see I guess.

Inside, I'm really sort of an outsider. You can't see my inner outsider 'cause she's on the inside.

I always think of myself as a very open, honest person. But the more I think about it lately, the more I realize that there is a lot that I hide. Or well, maybe not hide- at least, not intentionally, but there's a lot I don't talk about. Much. Mostly don't really have a reason to. On rare occasions to one or two specific people. And I think in the past I may have made a passing LJ post about that really merited no certain memory that I can think of and I'm not going back through several years of posts to try and look up. Whatever, no matter.

/tangent

Keeping in mind that I'm a fairly social critter...I've been called a "people person"- a phrase which I really dislike, but I agree with to an extent. I'm a people person within my own limits. which fluctuate...I feel like I don't belong in far more places than I do belong, and even when I do, there are times when I don't.

Tonight on the way to work, I suddenly remembered a long-forgotten conversation with dcnblus discussing how for a long time, I felt that there were some things that were okay for other people- depending on other people, wanting to be in a romantic relationship- that were not okay for me. All linked to a fear of becoming dependent on others. This was quite a while ago and I've largely gotten over, or more accurately I think, gotten past that, though there are always, probably always will be, remnants of that lurking around that will show up from time to time. Anyway...at the time, discussing reasons for this, one of the thoughts that came up was the fact that I felt I shouldn't need these things. It's okay for other people, but somewhere along the line I picked up the idea that it is (or at least should be) beyond me, and that I was somehow something beyond human. Not better than or above or below, or inhuman but beyond, somewhat outside of or removed from humanity just enough that I could feel it...in it, but not completely of it. At the time, he had suggested "metahuman". I've not thought of a better word. To analogize, if humanity was a big house party and everyone was in the middle of the room dancing and drinking and talking, I'm off in the corner flipping through CD's by the stereo and looking out over the scene, observing. (This is not a literal description of me at a party, for the record. Anyone who's ever been to a party with me knows that.) I'm there, I can interact but there's an outside quality to me on the inside that isn't generally seen because I don't really express it and in the moments where it is showing, it's manifesting in some other way that to anyone else, is wholly incidental and isolated. I'm a mostly social person, but there's this invisible barrier that as far as I know is imperceptible to anyone else, at times imperceptible to me.

Anyway, I've never lost this feeling, though I haven't thought much of it in a long time- not in these terms anyway though definitely in many other ways. And as soon as I started thinking about this, I also realized that I had slipped into being extremely unsure if I was in my own mind or if I was in someone else's, looking through their eyes...and then I remembered feeling like this on a near-constant basis for quite a while around the time of that conversation, and that it was around this time or shortly before that the constant feeling that something was about to happen- that I would find something or see something, or have some massive personal revelation- started.

*shrug* I dunno.