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May. 19th, 2006 02:11 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
badstarI am seriously thisclose to calling up my stepfather and giving him a piece of my mind. But I don't want to impose the sort of headache that would result from that upon myself. but the more I think about this, the more it irks me, and it shouldn't. It didn't at first for very good reason. But it's started to.
I guess I should give backstory:
The only people in my family that know about me being in ADF are my mom and stepfahter. My sister might know, I'm not sure. It's not that I hide it, it just hasn't come up with anyone else. So my mom may have mentioned it to others...I have no clue, but I doubt it. I didn't swear anyone to secrecy, nor would I care to. Actually, none of that is really relevant.
So anyway, around 3am Sunday morning my mom called me back after I called her about my bank overdraft, and while I was talking to her, my stepfather yelled something over the phone. I didn't really hear it, so she repeated... "Get off that road you're on it's not doing anything for you."
I was too upset over the money thing, so I ignored it, Monday I talked to my mom again and asked about it, and as I suspected, she said it was about "the Druid thing."
Moments of cntention between me and my mom usually go the same way. She says something, I respond with an explaination or opinion...she misinterprets it for being defensive (when I'm not)...but then I actually DO get defensive. It went pretty much like that this time.
So my response to "the Druid thing" was "That's what I figured it was, okay. I'm not worried about it because he has no idea what I am or am not doing to make any kind of statement like that."
So she starts in with her "Wait a minute, there's no need to get defensive. Hes just worried that you're going to get hung up on spells and incantations and thgins you dont need, and its going to stunt your spiritua growth."
And I said that I dont do that...and before I could go any further she said "Well he doesn't know that and those are just a couple of examples of things like that."
Yes, my point exactly..he doesn't know that.
Of course when I first told her about this, I gave her the ADF website and asked her to take a look at it to see what it was about- she never did (my mom doesn't generally do online stuff, except as it pertains to their business, but I'd hoped she might.) and when I went back to PA at Christmas, I took my ADF member's guide and DP book with me so that she could look at it, but that never happened.
We haven't really talked about it much, and I haven't exacty been desperate to tell them all about everything that goes on. Sometimes she asks about it, but nothing really in-depth "Oh, how's that going?" "Oh, okay well that sounds fun. Your sister and Dave are moving into their house this weekend you know..."
And Mike? Never even bothered to say or ask anyhting about it. Ever. Even once. Just that one comment.
I'd sure like to be able to tell them about it and have them take some level of interest in what I'm doing. but I'd be happy with them just basing whatever opinions they have on fact, not assumption.
I did get from Mom that she would have the same concerns if it were a Christian church, and that if I were to go back to the Catholic church, she would "really need to have a serious talk with me."
I fee better, knowing that it's not specifically the fact that it's a pagan group that she takes issue with, and I know how she feels about the Catholic church, so I know why she would have more issues with that.
I wrote her an email just now:
It bothers me that you and/or mike would be worried about what may be "holding me back" spiritually without knowing what I am or am not doing. I've given you the website to ADF, I brought my books up with me at Christmas to show you, but you haven't checked either one out.
I'd like to refer you again to the ADF website- http://www.adf.org, and to the Grove website- http://www.cedarlightgrove.org
I'd also like you to come down here some Sunday morning, or possibly to one of our rituals- though those are always on Saturdays- and see what actually goes on. I am serious about this, and I don't see that changing anytime soon. If there are going to be any problems with it, I'd rather you be not okay with what is than with what's only assumed.
(The comment about rituals on Saturdays is because they work every Saturday night)
So yeah...I'm just kinda pissed off about things being assumed rather than they asking me what I'm doing. When I talked to my mom on Monday, I did get to tell her a litle more, that there are certain things that ADF does and believes as an organization, while individuals are always free to pursue anyhting that interests them, and there's only a few really serious things that they draw the line for. I explained to her about the very strong disposition towards educational pursuits, and I think she feels a little bit better now but she still hasn't really a clue as to anyhting I might be doing.
We shall see what happens.
I guess I should give backstory:
The only people in my family that know about me being in ADF are my mom and stepfahter. My sister might know, I'm not sure. It's not that I hide it, it just hasn't come up with anyone else. So my mom may have mentioned it to others...I have no clue, but I doubt it. I didn't swear anyone to secrecy, nor would I care to. Actually, none of that is really relevant.
So anyway, around 3am Sunday morning my mom called me back after I called her about my bank overdraft, and while I was talking to her, my stepfather yelled something over the phone. I didn't really hear it, so she repeated... "Get off that road you're on it's not doing anything for you."
I was too upset over the money thing, so I ignored it, Monday I talked to my mom again and asked about it, and as I suspected, she said it was about "the Druid thing."
Moments of cntention between me and my mom usually go the same way. She says something, I respond with an explaination or opinion...she misinterprets it for being defensive (when I'm not)...but then I actually DO get defensive. It went pretty much like that this time.
So my response to "the Druid thing" was "That's what I figured it was, okay. I'm not worried about it because he has no idea what I am or am not doing to make any kind of statement like that."
So she starts in with her "Wait a minute, there's no need to get defensive. Hes just worried that you're going to get hung up on spells and incantations and thgins you dont need, and its going to stunt your spiritua growth."
And I said that I dont do that...and before I could go any further she said "Well he doesn't know that and those are just a couple of examples of things like that."
Yes, my point exactly..he doesn't know that.
Of course when I first told her about this, I gave her the ADF website and asked her to take a look at it to see what it was about- she never did (my mom doesn't generally do online stuff, except as it pertains to their business, but I'd hoped she might.) and when I went back to PA at Christmas, I took my ADF member's guide and DP book with me so that she could look at it, but that never happened.
We haven't really talked about it much, and I haven't exacty been desperate to tell them all about everything that goes on. Sometimes she asks about it, but nothing really in-depth "Oh, how's that going?" "Oh, okay well that sounds fun. Your sister and Dave are moving into their house this weekend you know..."
And Mike? Never even bothered to say or ask anyhting about it. Ever. Even once. Just that one comment.
I'd sure like to be able to tell them about it and have them take some level of interest in what I'm doing. but I'd be happy with them just basing whatever opinions they have on fact, not assumption.
I did get from Mom that she would have the same concerns if it were a Christian church, and that if I were to go back to the Catholic church, she would "really need to have a serious talk with me."
I fee better, knowing that it's not specifically the fact that it's a pagan group that she takes issue with, and I know how she feels about the Catholic church, so I know why she would have more issues with that.
I wrote her an email just now:
It bothers me that you and/or mike would be worried about what may be "holding me back" spiritually without knowing what I am or am not doing. I've given you the website to ADF, I brought my books up with me at Christmas to show you, but you haven't checked either one out.
I'd like to refer you again to the ADF website- http://www.adf.org, and to the Grove website- http://www.cedarlightgrove.org
I'd also like you to come down here some Sunday morning, or possibly to one of our rituals- though those are always on Saturdays- and see what actually goes on. I am serious about this, and I don't see that changing anytime soon. If there are going to be any problems with it, I'd rather you be not okay with what is than with what's only assumed.
(The comment about rituals on Saturdays is because they work every Saturday night)
So yeah...I'm just kinda pissed off about things being assumed rather than they asking me what I'm doing. When I talked to my mom on Monday, I did get to tell her a litle more, that there are certain things that ADF does and believes as an organization, while individuals are always free to pursue anyhting that interests them, and there's only a few really serious things that they draw the line for. I explained to her about the very strong disposition towards educational pursuits, and I think she feels a little bit better now but she still hasn't really a clue as to anyhting I might be doing.
We shall see what happens.
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no subject
Date: 2006-05-19 11:50 pm (UTC)i really hope they can RESPECTFULLY agree to disagree with you.
*love and hugs*
no subject
Date: 2006-05-20 04:00 am (UTC)My stepfather, as long as the subject doesnt come up, it might as well not exist...which is a good thing. But if it's going to come up, it has to be dealt with. And I'll just pretty much be "okay, this is how it is. If you're going to bitch about it, find out what it is you're bitching about otherwise you have no right to say anything and if you're going that route, you can just shut up."
I'm okay with them disagreeing with it...as long as they're disagreeing to what actually is, and not just whatever assumptions they fabricate.
bleh, parents suck *hugs*