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Oct. 29th, 2006 10:12 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
badstarSo...I learned last night that if you're going to mispronouce badly in another language, do so in Italian...because badly-pronouced Italian sounds enough like Latin that everyone will think that's what it was.
(I only wrote it about an hour and a half ahead of time, and have barely spoke Italian in about 7 years...and I have bad handwriting, and poor light, my flashlight was about to die...of course, if I read it noiw, I sound great. Ah well.)
If any of you remember my post about Samhain last year, it went pretty badly. I felt alienated and cut off from everything, and completely rejected. This year was much better. I don't know if it was addressing some of my ancestors in their native language, or being co-chief-liturgist, or if somehtign was just really off last year, but it went a lot better. It was EXTREMELY windy- and some people said it was starting to rain when we started but I never felt it...but by the time we were less than halfway through, the sky was clear of any clouds.
I still feel somewhat ambivalent about Samhain...and I'm not sure why I keep trying to connect to my mother's family...I guess because I want to try to connect to SOME family, and it hasn't been my mother's family that's hurt me.
I can't say that time has healed the hurt. I have forgiven. But forgiveness doesn't take the pain away. And it doesn't make forgetting any more possible.
Oh well, I'm going to sleep before I start thinking too much.
However...opening the fire gate was pretty effing awesome.
(I only wrote it about an hour and a half ahead of time, and have barely spoke Italian in about 7 years...and I have bad handwriting, and poor light, my flashlight was about to die...of course, if I read it noiw, I sound great. Ah well.)
If any of you remember my post about Samhain last year, it went pretty badly. I felt alienated and cut off from everything, and completely rejected. This year was much better. I don't know if it was addressing some of my ancestors in their native language, or being co-chief-liturgist, or if somehtign was just really off last year, but it went a lot better. It was EXTREMELY windy- and some people said it was starting to rain when we started but I never felt it...but by the time we were less than halfway through, the sky was clear of any clouds.
I still feel somewhat ambivalent about Samhain...and I'm not sure why I keep trying to connect to my mother's family...I guess because I want to try to connect to SOME family, and it hasn't been my mother's family that's hurt me.
I can't say that time has healed the hurt. I have forgiven. But forgiveness doesn't take the pain away. And it doesn't make forgetting any more possible.
Oh well, I'm going to sleep before I start thinking too much.
However...opening the fire gate was pretty effing awesome.
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no subject
Date: 2006-10-30 10:56 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-10-30 01:35 pm (UTC)There was no filter. I pretty much never lock entries or filter them, with very VERY few exceptions. Actually, I never really filter them. I've talked about it in the past, and have some filters set up...which you're on, but I never use. And I can count on one hand the number of times I've even friendslocked an entry, ad this wasn't one of them.
All of my dedicant's stuff though- including that entry- is over at
but all of that was part of the reason that I wanted to work on Samhain, to be sure that I didn't feel alienated.