Another Big "Why"..

[badstar]

So, I've noticed this odd (odd to me anyway) phenomenon since I moved to Baltimore, and I don't get it. I've never heard it anywhere else, though I've no doubt it's not strictly a Baltimore thing...but what is it with making little kids call adults Miss or Mr. (first name)?

No, no, I understand that it's supposed to be a respect thing. No need to explain that to me.

So...example. (And Deirdre, this isn't a bust on you or anything, it's just a recent example, it's happened with other people. I know you were going along with your daughter's wishes here.)

on Saturday at the grove, Deirdre brought her granddaughte to the ritual. At one point, everyone in the room was introduced to Rhiannon as Miss or Mr. (first name) i requested not to be called "Miss Renee". I really hate it. So Deirdre suggested "Miss Rhodes"..okay, the only person who's ever called me Miss Rhodes more than once was my eighth grade science teacher who addressed everyone in such a manner, and quite frankly was one of the most terrifying people I've ever met. when I said that I didn't want to be called "miss" anything, Deirdre said that Rhiannon wasn't allowed to call any adults by their first name, so her only other option would be "hey you".

I said fine, "hey you" is far preferable to "miss" anything.

Then a big discussion of what people were told to call adults when they were kids resulted.

I don't get it. Were we weird in Pennsylvania? I and just about every other kid I knew growing up was taught that the proper name to call an adult was the name they asked to be called. If they wanted to be called Betty or Dan, well by gob, you called 'em Betty or Dan. If they wanted to be called Mr. Smith, you called 'em Mr Smith. My grandparents had a neighbor that wanted to be called Tweedle, so Tweedle it was. (If you didn't know what you should call said adult, then you called them "Mr" or "Mrs" or "Miss" (last name) until requested otherwise.)

When Samantha started learning how to talk, chelle initially insisted that she call me "Aunt Renee"...I didn't really want to be called "aunt" (though it doesn't grate on my nerves in quite the same manner as "miss") but I finally got it through to her that I would prefer that she teach Samantha how to say "Renee" properly and just call me that. (Chelle kept referring to me as "Aunt Nay" which really DID irritate me) My brother on the other hand prefers to be called "Uncle Mike"...so I'm Renee, he's Uncle Mike, and my other brother doesn't really give a flying rat's posterior what Samantha calls him. It's usually "Tony" though.

So...if you want to teach kids respect, call me crazy, but isn't it more respectful to teach kids to call people as they want to be called instead of insisting that their kid call them something they don't like?

I just don't get it.

Comments

[needa.livejournal.com]

Hrm. I think I would have gone with "Miss Hey, you."

[sihaya09.livejournal.com]

Growing up, all adults were Mrs./Miss/Mr. Firstname. It's oddly charming.

[upasaka.livejournal.com]

I grew up here, and I think it's weird, too, but my spouse (who grew up in South Baltimore before the yuppies moved in and started calling it "Federal Hill") claims it is a way for kids to be on a first name basis with familiar adults while still being respectful. Frankly, I think it reeks of The Old South and rampant race and class distinctions. When my father became Headmaster at the school where I now teach, the teachers and administration were all Mr./Miss/Mrs. Lastname, but the aides, cafeteria workers, and maintenance crew were all Mr./Miss/Mrs. Firstname. He announced at his first faculty meeting that that practice would be discontinued immediately.

[ravenshrinkery.livejournal.com]

AJ and I have had this conversation often - it is far more polite for a child to address a person by the name they wish to be addressed by. Insisting that a child should call someone by a name they are not comfortable with is rude on the part of the parent and sends an improper message about how children should relate to adults.

Furthermore, I'm sure you can relate to this one - AJ goes by Ms. I don't think she'd ever go by Mrs., and certainly not by Mr. and Mrs. John. *sigh*

[mydruid.livejournal.com]

No offense taken Renee...I did speak to Jordana, while she was not comfortable with it, she did agree for Rhiannon to call you Renee. This is a point I needed to make, because Rhiannon will be spending several Sunday's a month at the Grove, at least I hope she will. This is just one of the many ongoing things a parent, or grandparent deals with. Dominick and Jordana are 34 and 28 respectively and they still call most people Mr. or Ms....it's just our way. Now my children solved the problem of what their friends would call me, a long time ago. They have always introduced me to their friends as Mom...I could always tell if someone I met through them was a friend or aquaintance (sp)...if they were friend I was Mom, if not I was Ms. Deirdre or Ms. Abbott. There are so many 20 and 30 somethings who still call me Mom..just ask Griff or Pete.

[darkfiremoon.livejournal.com]

I did /not/ grow up with that and was /very/ set back, taken aback, felt disrespected etc when I moved here and my first set of ghetto kids called me Miss Annie....I do not find respect in the term and actually feel it is a bad thing to force children to address someone with a moniker they do not wish to be addressed by...I do not wish to be addressed by anything other than Princess and that is final...LOL No really - I despise being called Miss Anna, or Miss Anna or Miss Anne Marie....*shudder* it grates on my nerves worse than television. Not knocking anyone.....just do not like it or like to hear it. Children and other people are people, there is no need to attempt to pedestal me (like how I make grammer and shit up yah it's the parks of being a Princess in mah world). I a human, call me Human Anna....or better yet just Anna or well of course Princess works too.

[corpslave.livejournal.com]

I grew up in Brooklyn and the only people I addressed as Mr./Mrs./Miss were my teachers. A high school friend of my mother and her husband was the only exception to first names. My mother had me and my sisters call her Aunt Eileen and her husband Uncle Pat.

[mydruid.livejournal.com]

Would that be Brooklyn, NY...I was raised in the Bronx, so I know what you are saying...I called my parents friends either Mr/Mrs. (last name) or Aunt and Uncle...NY thing maybe?

[fuego.livejournal.com]

New Yorkers are so weird...

[mydruid.livejournal.com]

This from a state that has a community named "Ronks"...Pennsylvain's are so strange.....