Standing On Another Edge...
Jul. 7th, 2003 02:36 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
badstarCoffee is good.
Whoever thought to put hazelnuts in bread is a genius.
So much for profundity. (Is that a word?)
I woke up incredibly upset yesterday and feeling like I had barely slept...another bad dream. Was really happy when Leah came in around 5am, making all kinds of noise and waking me up...but not happy when I fell back to sleep and the dream picked right up where it left off. Summary of dream...i was diagnosed with cancer, and even after being told that it was a form of cancer that was rarely fatal, and even though i felt perfectly fine, I knew I didn't have more than a day or two to live....at one point I heard a voice telling me it was time for me to "come home for a little while" and felt myself floating upwards....I started screaming "No! not yet! give me just one more day, wait til tomorrow!" I stopped floating, but didn't realize for a while that I was still alive, I thought i was a ghost, which was really upsetting. When I finally realized that I was actually alive, I became incredibly panicky and started going on about how I had to get cured by the next day, how I had to get rid of the cancer in the next 24 hours so I wouldn't die...
This is an easy one...massive change happening or soon to happen that I either am not, or think I am not ready for. I think the events of the dream were much more traumatic than anything, but by yesterday evening I was still pretty upset. Spent a good hour meditating, trying to figure out what it was that I'm not ready for, or maybe why...but that didn't help any, so I finally just said "Ok, fine...but I'm kinda scared at the moment....can I at least have a sign that I'm gonna be ok?"
Within 10 minutes, the sky ripped open with a huge thunderstorm. I was going to take a shower last night, but I ended up dancing outside in the rain instead....it was raining so hard that i could barely keep my eyes open. I was soaked completely through my clothes within seconds. The neighbors probably thought i was insane. The lightning was amazing....
the storm last week was great...something really special about it, but this...this was purely...wow. The words to describe how I felt last night simply don't exist. Lightning like I haven't seen since that electric storm the first night that I lived in Dallas. And it just kept going...every time I tried to turn to go inside, it would get even more dramatic, as if trying to keep my attention...it didn't have to try very hard.
Standing out there in the pouring rain, I felt this rush of pure joy, healing, ecstacy, renewal. Whatever it is/was, my fear is gone with the rain.
So whatever it is....bring it on.
Whoever thought to put hazelnuts in bread is a genius.
So much for profundity. (Is that a word?)
I woke up incredibly upset yesterday and feeling like I had barely slept...another bad dream. Was really happy when Leah came in around 5am, making all kinds of noise and waking me up...but not happy when I fell back to sleep and the dream picked right up where it left off. Summary of dream...i was diagnosed with cancer, and even after being told that it was a form of cancer that was rarely fatal, and even though i felt perfectly fine, I knew I didn't have more than a day or two to live....at one point I heard a voice telling me it was time for me to "come home for a little while" and felt myself floating upwards....I started screaming "No! not yet! give me just one more day, wait til tomorrow!" I stopped floating, but didn't realize for a while that I was still alive, I thought i was a ghost, which was really upsetting. When I finally realized that I was actually alive, I became incredibly panicky and started going on about how I had to get cured by the next day, how I had to get rid of the cancer in the next 24 hours so I wouldn't die...
This is an easy one...massive change happening or soon to happen that I either am not, or think I am not ready for. I think the events of the dream were much more traumatic than anything, but by yesterday evening I was still pretty upset. Spent a good hour meditating, trying to figure out what it was that I'm not ready for, or maybe why...but that didn't help any, so I finally just said "Ok, fine...but I'm kinda scared at the moment....can I at least have a sign that I'm gonna be ok?"
Within 10 minutes, the sky ripped open with a huge thunderstorm. I was going to take a shower last night, but I ended up dancing outside in the rain instead....it was raining so hard that i could barely keep my eyes open. I was soaked completely through my clothes within seconds. The neighbors probably thought i was insane. The lightning was amazing....
the storm last week was great...something really special about it, but this...this was purely...wow. The words to describe how I felt last night simply don't exist. Lightning like I haven't seen since that electric storm the first night that I lived in Dallas. And it just kept going...every time I tried to turn to go inside, it would get even more dramatic, as if trying to keep my attention...it didn't have to try very hard.
Standing out there in the pouring rain, I felt this rush of pure joy, healing, ecstacy, renewal. Whatever it is/was, my fear is gone with the rain.
So whatever it is....bring it on.
