(no subject)

[badstar]

I am in a rather significantly less bad mood than I was last night. Not particularly feeling like picking fights or anything like that. Sometime last night, I wrote this sort of stream of consciousness..reading it now is like being hit with a Mack truck all over again. But only momentarily...

Floodlight

He says "know thyself"
and I say "I know myself"
and He says "Look again" and He
Illuminates, if you can call it that,
with light so garish it burns
and I feel like I'm going to collapse
under the weight of this divine brightness,
Icy cold, bitter hot,
shining into the recesses of my mind, my soul,
not a pore of my skin is left unseen and
I want to scream "No more!" and "Never again!"
Its like this every time. Floodlights
washing over me. I'm being scrutinized, by Him,
He forces me to look. I crawl back inside my mind
and confront. I've already been here, been
over this a thousand and one times but
He still says "Look there."
How much more can I look at one fragment?
The lens magnifies the brightness, the heat
my skin feels ready to burst into flame,
And I'm claustrophobic and I can't shatter this petri dish,
and then He retreats and the floodlights dim
and I'm burned and raw but still breathing
it's always like this,
All in the name of "know thyself" and truth and light.