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Dec. 5th, 2007 12:32 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
badstarAfter I get this written out, I'm going to need to edit it down rather seriously...
Before I was born/early childhood:
My mother married my father the day after she graduated from high school. in June 1975 My (paternal) grandmother says that she did this to get out of her mother’s house. My mother does not deny this but adds that at the time she loved my father and genuinely wanted to marry him.
I was born in December 1978, my sister Michelle in July 1981, my brother Mike in January 1983, my brother Anthony in September 1984.
Father was/is an over-the-road truck driver, away most of the time. Mother says that he spent all his pay on expensive dinners and unnecessary things on the road. Says that she decided to divorce my father the day that she came home from the hospital after Anthony was born when I got sick and threw up, when she asked him for help in cleaning up, he threw a towel at her and went to bed. (I had just started kindergarten) When he was home, they fought frequently. I don’t remember when they actually told us that they were splitting up, That January, we moved to another house and I guess they decided to keep living together for a while because we all moved together. At some point during first grade- probably in the winter or early spring, I remember visiting my father once or twice at someone else’s house, I think he was staying with one of his cousins at the time, though I don’t actually remember him moving out- probably because he was always gone even before that, and he still came to the house when he was back in town, would sometimes stay for the night when my mother was working night shift. Had live-in babysitters through much of the second half of kindergarten and first grade.
Somewhere in all this, we found out that the landlord was selling the house and we had to move.
At the end of first grade, after I came home from school on the last day, my grandparents (paternal) stopped over and talked to my mother for a few minutes. Later that day or the next day, my sister, brothers and I went to stay with my grandparents who lived about 20 minutes away while my mother looked for another place to live that she could afford and have four kids. She and the live-in babysitter at the time went to stay in a local motel. We thought this was going to be just a fun summer vacation with our grandparents. My mother came to see us at their house almost every day. Somewhere along this time, we found out that our father was planning to ask a woman in Texas to marry him. This was supposed to be a secret, but our father had taken all of us with him when he went ring shopping and my brother Mike told everyone. In the fall, I and my sister went to the school near my grandparents’ house.
Sometime in October or very early November, the divorce was final. My mother was still unable to find a place where she could have four kids, and signed custody over to my father, knowing that he was planning to move to Texas but believing that he would be able to take care of us better than she could at the time. He moved to Texas just after that, but my sister and I stayed with our grandparents. Sometime shortly after this, we were told that our mother had vanished and no one knew where she was. We were told that at some point over the summer, my grandfather and an aunt had gone to our old house and gotten the rest of the stuff out of the house and put it in a storage unit. (This was true, I was in the storage unit several times…each time they told me I could take whatever of my mother’s that I wanted for myself.) I was also told that many receipts had been found for large amounts of alcohol (when I talked to my mother years later about this, she said that she had held one large party before moving out of the house, which is the only reason that she could think of that those receipts may have been there, but there should not have been “many”. I’ve never seen them but I have no reason not to believe this.)
My sister and I didn’t know that our mother thought we were in Texas….we believed, as we were told, that she had disappeared. Later, my mother would tell us that she would call down there and talk to Mike and Anthony, but when she wanted to talk to us, she was told that we were at piano lessons or camping with friends from school or doing all sorts of other things that she never would have been able to afford for us to do. She was living in an apartment maybe ten minutes from my grandparents’ house. At Thanksgiving that year, I remember my grandparents saying something about wanting to take me and Michelle to Niagara Falls…but couldn’t do that because we’d have to cross the border into Canada and that they weren’t allowed to do that just yet. At Christmas, they took us to Florida, and then to Texas to visit our father.
All this time, they kept telling us that our mother was still missing (she tells us that they talked to her several times during this time, keeping up the lie). They also started telling us that she didn’t love us anymore. About six months later, sometime that spring, we were just coming home from shopping one Saturday afternoon when a car drove by the house. My grandparents herded us into the house and told us to go upstairs to our room and stay there. A short time later, I heard a door slam and yelling. Later when we were allowed to come out, they told us that she had come back and wanted to see us, but that she didn’t really care about us. (Later found out that my mom found out about the lie from a cousin of my father’s- I think the same one as he’d been living with before but to my knowledge, that’s completely irrelevant to anything.)
At some point in all this, there was a court hearing to establish visitation with our mother- every other weekend. At this time, she was seeing a man named Tony for a short time before he was sent to jail- don’t know what for. For some reason, my grandparents were in contact with him for at least part of the time he was in jail. Within a few months, she started seeing a man named Keith, who she would end up living with until the middle of my seventh grade year. At some point in all this, my grandparents began secretly videotaping every time she came to the house to pick us up. There were arguments nearly every time between my grandparents and mother, and often with Keith as well. (They didn’t like him and would find every opportunity to insult him, called him “Keithy Baby”, making comments about his clothes, car, haircut…it was extremely juvenile.) At some point in all this, I started trying to run and hide whenever she would come to pick us up- I didn’t want to be around her if she didn’t love me. I would hide in various places in the yard, or sometimes in a neighbor’s yard and run when they found me. If they actually caught me, I would kick, yell, try to run away again. Occasionally, she would leave without me and come back later in the evening to get me, or on Saturday morning. All this time, she would talk about scheduling a court hearing to have custody of us again, and when I told my grandparents about that, they came up with the idea that she just wanted to get us so that she could have an income tax break.
Before I was born/early childhood:
My mother married my father the day after she graduated from high school. in June 1975 My (paternal) grandmother says that she did this to get out of her mother’s house. My mother does not deny this but adds that at the time she loved my father and genuinely wanted to marry him.
I was born in December 1978, my sister Michelle in July 1981, my brother Mike in January 1983, my brother Anthony in September 1984.
Father was/is an over-the-road truck driver, away most of the time. Mother says that he spent all his pay on expensive dinners and unnecessary things on the road. Says that she decided to divorce my father the day that she came home from the hospital after Anthony was born when I got sick and threw up, when she asked him for help in cleaning up, he threw a towel at her and went to bed. (I had just started kindergarten) When he was home, they fought frequently. I don’t remember when they actually told us that they were splitting up, That January, we moved to another house and I guess they decided to keep living together for a while because we all moved together. At some point during first grade- probably in the winter or early spring, I remember visiting my father once or twice at someone else’s house, I think he was staying with one of his cousins at the time, though I don’t actually remember him moving out- probably because he was always gone even before that, and he still came to the house when he was back in town, would sometimes stay for the night when my mother was working night shift. Had live-in babysitters through much of the second half of kindergarten and first grade.
Somewhere in all this, we found out that the landlord was selling the house and we had to move.
At the end of first grade, after I came home from school on the last day, my grandparents (paternal) stopped over and talked to my mother for a few minutes. Later that day or the next day, my sister, brothers and I went to stay with my grandparents who lived about 20 minutes away while my mother looked for another place to live that she could afford and have four kids. She and the live-in babysitter at the time went to stay in a local motel. We thought this was going to be just a fun summer vacation with our grandparents. My mother came to see us at their house almost every day. Somewhere along this time, we found out that our father was planning to ask a woman in Texas to marry him. This was supposed to be a secret, but our father had taken all of us with him when he went ring shopping and my brother Mike told everyone. In the fall, I and my sister went to the school near my grandparents’ house.
Sometime in October or very early November, the divorce was final. My mother was still unable to find a place where she could have four kids, and signed custody over to my father, knowing that he was planning to move to Texas but believing that he would be able to take care of us better than she could at the time. He moved to Texas just after that, but my sister and I stayed with our grandparents. Sometime shortly after this, we were told that our mother had vanished and no one knew where she was. We were told that at some point over the summer, my grandfather and an aunt had gone to our old house and gotten the rest of the stuff out of the house and put it in a storage unit. (This was true, I was in the storage unit several times…each time they told me I could take whatever of my mother’s that I wanted for myself.) I was also told that many receipts had been found for large amounts of alcohol (when I talked to my mother years later about this, she said that she had held one large party before moving out of the house, which is the only reason that she could think of that those receipts may have been there, but there should not have been “many”. I’ve never seen them but I have no reason not to believe this.)
My sister and I didn’t know that our mother thought we were in Texas….we believed, as we were told, that she had disappeared. Later, my mother would tell us that she would call down there and talk to Mike and Anthony, but when she wanted to talk to us, she was told that we were at piano lessons or camping with friends from school or doing all sorts of other things that she never would have been able to afford for us to do. She was living in an apartment maybe ten minutes from my grandparents’ house. At Thanksgiving that year, I remember my grandparents saying something about wanting to take me and Michelle to Niagara Falls…but couldn’t do that because we’d have to cross the border into Canada and that they weren’t allowed to do that just yet. At Christmas, they took us to Florida, and then to Texas to visit our father.
All this time, they kept telling us that our mother was still missing (she tells us that they talked to her several times during this time, keeping up the lie). They also started telling us that she didn’t love us anymore. About six months later, sometime that spring, we were just coming home from shopping one Saturday afternoon when a car drove by the house. My grandparents herded us into the house and told us to go upstairs to our room and stay there. A short time later, I heard a door slam and yelling. Later when we were allowed to come out, they told us that she had come back and wanted to see us, but that she didn’t really care about us. (Later found out that my mom found out about the lie from a cousin of my father’s- I think the same one as he’d been living with before but to my knowledge, that’s completely irrelevant to anything.)
At some point in all this, there was a court hearing to establish visitation with our mother- every other weekend. At this time, she was seeing a man named Tony for a short time before he was sent to jail- don’t know what for. For some reason, my grandparents were in contact with him for at least part of the time he was in jail. Within a few months, she started seeing a man named Keith, who she would end up living with until the middle of my seventh grade year. At some point in all this, my grandparents began secretly videotaping every time she came to the house to pick us up. There were arguments nearly every time between my grandparents and mother, and often with Keith as well. (They didn’t like him and would find every opportunity to insult him, called him “Keithy Baby”, making comments about his clothes, car, haircut…it was extremely juvenile.) At some point in all this, I started trying to run and hide whenever she would come to pick us up- I didn’t want to be around her if she didn’t love me. I would hide in various places in the yard, or sometimes in a neighbor’s yard and run when they found me. If they actually caught me, I would kick, yell, try to run away again. Occasionally, she would leave without me and come back later in the evening to get me, or on Saturday morning. All this time, she would talk about scheduling a court hearing to have custody of us again, and when I told my grandparents about that, they came up with the idea that she just wanted to get us so that she could have an income tax break.
