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badstarThe brain is doing one of those things I seriously hate. it's been doing that on and off for about a week now.
Basically, take everything I've ever done, said, wanted, rejected, dropped, picked up, lost, found, whatever...and is questioning it.
With one exception: religion.
I mean, yeah, there are the minor details that are always tweaking, but when I back up to the question of religion being the general focus in my life...there's no question about that. It's the revolving point, that's for sure.
Everything I question is answered with another question- of how changing that detail would be conducive or disruptive to my religious pursuits.
It dawned on me earlier this year, and it was a really strange thing to think about, but if my mom had never left the church, and I had grown up Catholic, I might very well have considered becoming a nun.
Wow, seriously though...when did this happen? How? Did I just happen upon the right thing? Or did something grab me when I wasn't looking that led to all this? What was the turning point? I couldn't tell you exactly when my anti-organized-religion phase ended. I can tell you about when I became interested in actually practicing a religion instead of just drifting around...I couldn't say exactly how it all happened. I know when it was that I realized that my belief in the gods wasn't totally crazy and made up. I can tell you when I was first sure that Apollo was there. When exactly I got pulled down the road to such focused devotion? I know when the idea first became somewhat solid in my mind. I don't know how long it was making its way around before that.
and now, the questioning has stopped...for the moment anyway, and as I read that last paragraph, I feel comfortable and secure. And a little bit like "Wow, this is...really huge."
It's so strange how I never saw this, even just a few years ago, I never saw religion coming in and all but eclipsing everything else. But now, I couldn't imagine it not.
Hmmm...
Basically, take everything I've ever done, said, wanted, rejected, dropped, picked up, lost, found, whatever...and is questioning it.
With one exception: religion.
I mean, yeah, there are the minor details that are always tweaking, but when I back up to the question of religion being the general focus in my life...there's no question about that. It's the revolving point, that's for sure.
Everything I question is answered with another question- of how changing that detail would be conducive or disruptive to my religious pursuits.
It dawned on me earlier this year, and it was a really strange thing to think about, but if my mom had never left the church, and I had grown up Catholic, I might very well have considered becoming a nun.
Wow, seriously though...when did this happen? How? Did I just happen upon the right thing? Or did something grab me when I wasn't looking that led to all this? What was the turning point? I couldn't tell you exactly when my anti-organized-religion phase ended. I can tell you about when I became interested in actually practicing a religion instead of just drifting around...I couldn't say exactly how it all happened. I know when it was that I realized that my belief in the gods wasn't totally crazy and made up. I can tell you when I was first sure that Apollo was there. When exactly I got pulled down the road to such focused devotion? I know when the idea first became somewhat solid in my mind. I don't know how long it was making its way around before that.
and now, the questioning has stopped...for the moment anyway, and as I read that last paragraph, I feel comfortable and secure. And a little bit like "Wow, this is...really huge."
It's so strange how I never saw this, even just a few years ago, I never saw religion coming in and all but eclipsing everything else. But now, I couldn't imagine it not.
Hmmm...
