badstar

What the hell is wrong with me? Why can't I just let myself think what I'm feeling without getting all bent out of shape about it? So here's what's up now...I haven't seen Eric in about 2 1/2 weeks. No big deal. I was thinking about that a little while ago and became very mildly bummed about that. Also not a big deal. One of those thoughts that should have passed with the sparkle of the next shiny object. But what happens but my brain grips onto this thought and starts beating me up with it. I'm just becoming a pathetic loser. Boo Hoo. Haven't seen the guy for a couple of weeks. Crybaby. Want some cheese with that whine? Good grief, can't I just like a guy, date the guy and have the worst of my worries be that he'll see me without my makeup on or something so stupid? But no. I've got all these years of having told myself that I don't need to date a guy, I don't need to want to date a guy, I'm above and beyond all that.

Sometimes I wish I could be as codependent as Chelle, Mike and Anthony are. Just long enough to see what that feels like. To be ok with wanting another person around...

I want to believe once and for all that it's ok for me. I want to stop thinking about running away. I just want to be convinced that I'm not letting myself down.