badstar

When I was in PA, I made the mistake of getting into a discussion on religion with my mother. She's been saying for a while now that she is so proud of what I'm doing, even though she doesn't agree with it. But I could never get at what exactly she doesn't agree with, it just always seemed like she disagreed with whatever her idea of what I'm doing and what I believe is, as opposed to what I really do and believe.

I've told her on several occasions that I've no intention of trying to change her mind, however if she's going to disagree with me, I really would prefer that she disagree with what actually is, as opposed to whatever mal-conceived ideas she's got.

So we started getting into it and the first thing she said was that she doesn't agree with the idea of many gods because there is only one god. Okay, I can respect that. Her reason is rather insulting- that polytheism came about because ancient folks were too ignorant to grok the concept of a single god holding reign over everything.

But, ya know whatever.

I got a little irritated when she want on to say that every single major religion in the world has had some prophet who came along to tell people that there's only one god. Ummm....Buddhism? Hinduism?

*sigh* It would be so easy if she would just tell me I'm gonna die and burn in hell. But no...she doesn't believe that. She believes in reincarnation. She thinks that I'm attracted to the Greek gods because I had a past life in ancient Greece. But she thinks I have it all wrong, and that I have to keep "looking for the truth".

She says that she once asked to see the truth and is sorry that she did. Then she starts going on about how there's a war going on all around us at all time between angels and demons for people's souls, and how I needed to understand this, and to keep seeking the truth. (And by "truth", she meant what she was telling me.) she was also going on about how she knows it must be true because she could never make it up in her own mind. As if I would so easily make up my own expereinces...especially some of the more recent ones.

She also reminded me that she knows when she's telling someone the right thing because she gets chills (she used to say this a lot) I have a hard time taking that one seriously in the context of sitting outside in 30-degree weather for the last fifteen minutes with an open coat over a light shirt. I told her that I had chills too and could just as easily use that to say I was telling her the right thign too. Of course the response was "You know that's not the kind of chill I'm talking about."

It didn't really last very long, my stepfather came out to smoke (we were sitting outside) and I was NOT going to continue that discussion with Mike present because...it would have gotten REALLY ugly.

So...on one hand, I have to say that I find her angel/demon war for souls to be utterly ridiculous. At the same time, I know that I've had my share of plenty ridiculous-sounding experiences.

I don't believe in one single truth...and if there is one, I think that the odds of ANYONE actually having it right are practically nonexistent. I've said it a hundred times before...there's only one way to know that for sure, and I've no plans to do that anytime soon. She seemed to find it rather troublesome that I could be so convinced of my beliefs and still acknowledge that I could be wrong. I dunno what to tell you, I'm human, I'm imperfect. It's not logical, but...well, it makes sense to me.

I made no attempt to explain my own experience. I often have enough trouble reasonably speaking of things to people who do understand where I'm coming from. I wasn't going to waste my breath fumbling to explain the light of Apollo to someone who takes stumbling over words and the inability to immediately deliver just the right words as a sign of doubt or lack of knowledge and fumbling for words or not, I wouldn't even mention what I've experienced with Dionysus. I could see that going over well..."Oh yah, Mom so I had this dream that this god came along and got someone to tie me to a tree with grapevines, and then the god that I'm particularly devoted to shot me with an arrow. Oh and after that, the skin all over my arms and legs got all slived up...but it's ok because they said it was and that I would be better in the end."

Yaaaah. Like so many lead balloons. I wasn't even going to try. Oh well, I know where I've been. Not always entirely sure where I'm going, it seems to shift and morph from time to time. But I've no doubt I'm going the right way, this is the truth as I know it.