Good Beer!

Feb. 10th, 2008 10:39 pm
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Bet that got your attention.

At CLG's Yule, I stood in the middle of the sanctuary, invoked Heimdall to watch the gates (offered him "good beer"- somehow every invocation that night ended up concluding with "I offer you...good beer!") and then proceeded to open the gates- first time I did that by myself in ritual, previous gate openings in which I've participated have always involved three people (four in one or two cases) I had been back and forth for several weeks at one point trying to figure out if I was going to participate in Yule at all and then I ended up volunteering for the gates.

Then, the person who was to call on Heimdall wasn't sure she'd be able to make the ritual, so I volunteered for backup...and ended up doing it.

After invoking Heimdall and pouring his beer into the erm...what was it called...blot bowl? (Sorry, I'm not one of the Norse folk, it just happens that the only experiences of any great significance with deities aside from Hellenic happen to be Heimdall and Freyja.)

Anyway, so I poured the beer. Heimdall, in my experience, has a rather unmistakable presence. Which I felt, solid and quiet. I stepped to the center of the circle. I've called on gatekeepers and opened the gates numerous times....this was unique. It was the middle of ritual, so people were fairly quiet, but there are always noises- be it the people in the circle, or outside noises...cars, planes, animals, whatever. And I still heard these noises, but it was as if from inside an enclosure. I was telling Caryn last week that it was like I was standing in the middle of the circle, and a bubble went down over the center circle of the sanctuary, enclosing me, the well, fire and tree, and the altar, like a covered fish bowl, cutting that area off from the rest of the world- I almost swear I could have walked up to the edge of that circle and put my hands on a glass wall. There was a feeling of quiet and calm, despite the "muffled" outside noises.

Standing in the center of the circle, I opened the well, fire and tree in turn, using some runic work that I've been working with for about two years now. The three individual gate openings together were like standing in the eye of a whirling vortex. Then the "overall" gate opening was like the bubble was lifted, and I was no longer cut off from the sanctuary. (It was about then that I had to run out of the sanctuary and find something to eat, lest I should have fainted.)

I debated long and hard on whether I should participate at all in Imbolc after last year, and finally after a while got a very clear sense that this time around, I was going to acknowledge and call off the outsiders, and that was it, I would leave. (For the record, I've never taken this part in ritual before.)

I had written something a few weeks ago. One day, it just came to me in a thiurty-second rush of words. It was good. Thought I left it in the notebook where I wrote it. When I went to grab it yesterday, the page was gone. Flipped through the book several times...no trace.

I decided to wing it. I said a nice little piece on how the nature of the outsiders is subject to much debate. So far as I recall, I stumbled on no words. I picked up my offerings of a small bowl of food (fresh fruit, Ghirardelli chocolate, jelly belly jelly beans...lol) and a bottle of Guinness (I wasn't even thinking about it but I did throw in "I offer you good beer!"- I remember hearing a snicker or two at that) and turned slightly humorous and commented for all that would serve to distract from the ritual and deter it's work to follow me out the gates and beyond the borders of the sanctuary, ending with "you have been bribed away!"

This was all just coming out of my mouth without much of any forethought. I didn't really have a whole lot of sense of anything much going on, except for knowing that even if I couldn't see, I could definitely feel when I left the sanctuary space. But I did get several comments later on in the evening about my acknowledgment of the outsiders- (I find it amusing that a lot of people call this part of the ritual "invoking the outsiders"...) which I found kinda funny and entirely unexpected because a generally people even don't comment on what I consider to be my best invocations. I guess I was doing something right in the moment- and I never imagined that I would be good with that part. Some people have come up with some great things, like the time [livejournal.com profile] jackgreen60 came in with this ancient suitcase and lugged it around the circle.

But there ya go.
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Well, the grove's Yule ritual was last night.

I must add another entry to my "what not to do in ritual" list and say Damn, do NOT open the gates without having eaten something during the day. Not in the way I did anyway.

For anyone who's ever had the pleasure of feeling their blood sugar just suddenly bottom out on them...imagine that times about ten. That was the internal feeling. The external feeling was like being at the center of three approaching storms on a collision course...up to and including the point of collision. I've only ever tried it once before on my own, the first time I tried it when I first had the idea. I daresay that the force of it was significantly less that first time. In following instances, it was done in conjunction with two other people. It was planned to be done that way again this time...initially was the intention anyway, but things got shaken up and switched around hither and thither and in the end, there was no chance to practice the whole thing with anyone else.

I also ended up doing the invocation to Heimdall, which had not been the original plan, though due to some uncertainty I had volunteered for backup. (Heimdall would be one of a very few non-Greek deities with which I have any real experiential familiarity, and probably the single most stable and consistent force I have ever encountered in my life. Which makes sense, considering who he is. A couple of yeard ago, he and Freyja showed up not simultaneously, but very close together, for a short period of time. I remember first having the sense of the presence of Freyja while wandering around Fire and Ice (a jewelery store) in Towson and at the time, had never heard of Brisingamen. I learned of that a few months later while talking to Jane Sibley. She laughed, said it sounded like they like me and that I should watch out for them to come back at some point in the future. I've had a vague sense of Heimdall for the last several weeks, though so far I'm chalking it up to the grove ritual and nothing to do with me personally.)

I tried to write the invocation for several days, right up to just before the ritual started. For the first time ever, I was unable to write anything. I had an idea, I lost it. Another idea...and it turned out to sound really dumb. I looked over some of my old gatekeeper invocations for some inspiration and only wound up attempting to cobble together and rework pieces of those....which I didn't want to do.

So for the first time in ages, I decided to wing it. and it went well. Nice, simple...and "good beer". Hehehe (Caryn had said "good beer" so many times in the beginning part of the ritual that it sorta became a running thing.)

So after the invocation and gate opening, I had to run inside and grab something to eat immediately. It took a little bit before I stopped shaking. I had to leave a second time when Caryn asked me if I could grab my runes- which were inside the house in my backpack. The last minute plan was to pull the runes last night and interpret this morning, but Jack and Kat convened in the middle and they ended up reading them then and there (With some conferring with Gavin who set people straight on one of them while I was still getting the final rune pulled.)

Note to self: start working with runes more again.

Many other thoughts having only to do with my own personal religious experience went flying around in my head for a large part of the night. Those I may organize more coherently a bit later.

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