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Well, the grove's Yule ritual was last night.

I must add another entry to my "what not to do in ritual" list and say Damn, do NOT open the gates without having eaten something during the day. Not in the way I did anyway.

For anyone who's ever had the pleasure of feeling their blood sugar just suddenly bottom out on them...imagine that times about ten. That was the internal feeling. The external feeling was like being at the center of three approaching storms on a collision course...up to and including the point of collision. I've only ever tried it once before on my own, the first time I tried it when I first had the idea. I daresay that the force of it was significantly less that first time. In following instances, it was done in conjunction with two other people. It was planned to be done that way again this time...initially was the intention anyway, but things got shaken up and switched around hither and thither and in the end, there was no chance to practice the whole thing with anyone else.

I also ended up doing the invocation to Heimdall, which had not been the original plan, though due to some uncertainty I had volunteered for backup. (Heimdall would be one of a very few non-Greek deities with which I have any real experiential familiarity, and probably the single most stable and consistent force I have ever encountered in my life. Which makes sense, considering who he is. A couple of yeard ago, he and Freyja showed up not simultaneously, but very close together, for a short period of time. I remember first having the sense of the presence of Freyja while wandering around Fire and Ice (a jewelery store) in Towson and at the time, had never heard of Brisingamen. I learned of that a few months later while talking to Jane Sibley. She laughed, said it sounded like they like me and that I should watch out for them to come back at some point in the future. I've had a vague sense of Heimdall for the last several weeks, though so far I'm chalking it up to the grove ritual and nothing to do with me personally.)

I tried to write the invocation for several days, right up to just before the ritual started. For the first time ever, I was unable to write anything. I had an idea, I lost it. Another idea...and it turned out to sound really dumb. I looked over some of my old gatekeeper invocations for some inspiration and only wound up attempting to cobble together and rework pieces of those....which I didn't want to do.

So for the first time in ages, I decided to wing it. and it went well. Nice, simple...and "good beer". Hehehe (Caryn had said "good beer" so many times in the beginning part of the ritual that it sorta became a running thing.)

So after the invocation and gate opening, I had to run inside and grab something to eat immediately. It took a little bit before I stopped shaking. I had to leave a second time when Caryn asked me if I could grab my runes- which were inside the house in my backpack. The last minute plan was to pull the runes last night and interpret this morning, but Jack and Kat convened in the middle and they ended up reading them then and there (With some conferring with Gavin who set people straight on one of them while I was still getting the final rune pulled.)

Note to self: start working with runes more again.

Many other thoughts having only to do with my own personal religious experience went flying around in my head for a large part of the night. Those I may organize more coherently a bit later.
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Stress and blah aside, there was some good stuff this weekend. I got to see both of my nieces, which was fun. I haven't seen Ashlyn in...gah...was it 2005 or 2004 that I saw her at Christmas?

Hmm...would have been 2005, because it was AFTER Mike and Anthony brought her and Samantha down to go to the aquarium, and I was living a few blocks down the street then.

Kid is huge. She's 5 but she looks like she's 7 or 8. Almost as tall as Samantha who is 7, but she also looks older than 5 in the face. And she talks older than a 5 year old.

And I got to go camping with friends on Saturday night at the Highland Farms Beltane campout.

I wasn't particularly impressed with the ritual, but I've never been a fan of Wiccan ritual structure, and mixing ADF with Wiccan just does wacky thigns in my mind. I understand why it was done, but I don't like it. I'm glad there was no circle casting.

I was one of the first people at the top of the hill, since I rode up in the truck with Dennis, Anna and a couple of others. And there were a couple of people drumming up there...so I had fun dancing for a good half hour before the ritual started. Everyone expected it to get super-cold, but it didn't. Good thing, since I was wearing a tank top and skirt.

There was a nice little bonfire lit as part of the ritual. It wasn't huge, but it was nice. And whenever the wind blew up, it would stir up plumes of sparks. I kept getting closer and closer to the fire...and then right at the end of the praise offerings, I made my way a bit closer, just as Caryn was asking if anyone yet had offerings. I hadn't planned for any, I was just getting closer to the fire, but I think Caryn mistook that for an indication that I had somethign in mind, though I didn't realize that she was talking to me at first because I didn't think I'd done anythign to draw the attention to myself. I'd not planned to do anything for several reasons- the nature of the ritual, community building, is not somethign that I wholly object to, but of that particular community, I have so far been a rare visitor. Also, I like to do somethign tangible for offerings. I have no objection to others speaking in praise, but I personally prefer to be making an actual offering of some sort- which may or may not be accompanied by some speaking. And also because I was just so scattered this weekend.

Well, I was kinda put on the spot. And I had nuffin'. But (ritual briefs aside) I am reasonably good at speaking off the cuff in public. And I was on the spot, and people were looking at me, so I said "Okay, sure, I'll go."

And at that point, a couple of people asked me if I was going to spin fire (more on that in a minute)

So I thought for about half a second, and said something like

"I speak in praise and thanks to Apollo, for bringing me to the point where I am in my life,
And to Hestia of the hearth, who is not only the hearth, but who is the fire itself, and to Polyhymnia who inspires out sacred words, and Terpsichore who inspires us to dance...and to the gods, I give praise to the gods."

So...at the point when I said "and to Hestia...", a huge flurry of sparks blew up from the fire. Which was really cool.

Oh, and Tracy made chocolate runes for everyone. My rune was sigel (not sure if I spelled that right...? The one that looks like a lightning bolt.)

And then later on waiting in line for food, I saw two former coworkers- one whom I'd not seen since Samhain 2005 who told me that he'd started to cry a little when I'd spoken. (I didn't know what to say to that, I don't think I've ever made anyone cry in a good way before) and then a bit later, another former coworker, Adam, came up and said hi, and for the life of me, I couldn't figure out who he was. Very familiar face, but no name came to mind. When he told me who he was, it was really obvious...but the problem was that he didn't have 8-inch-tall spiky blue hair sticking out in every direction as he did when he was in the office. Ah well, it's nice to run into people sometimes.

And there was lots of dancing and drumming around the smaller fire afterwards. I danced so much that my abs still hurt. Not far from the fire, under a shade structure, someone had set up a little travelling Hindu temple with altars and shrines and carpets laid down, and incense and candles, and was offering Sanskrit blessings of prosperity and wealth and inviting people to drum and dance inside the "temple". It was quite magical.

And I really, REALLY wished that I'd had the staff with me.

Speaking of which....

So, I spin fire. Everyone knows that. And I mean everyone knows that. Apparently, that would include people I've never met or even seen before.

I mentioned how people asked me in the circle if I was going to spin. BEfore the ritual started, when I had just gotten to the circle, I walked past a small group of people who were some of the few folks up there. I didn't know them, never seen them before, but I heard as I went past "That's the girl that did the fire invocation or something like that last year at Beltane at Cedarlight grove. I heard she had fire in the middle of the circle."
A bit ranty... )

I was hoping that there might be another spinner there who would let me borrow their equipment- staff, poi, fingers, fans, whatever. But there wasn't.

But I did dance plenty, and surprised several folks with the fact that the only bellydance classes I ever took were Sara's tribal class in Catonsville a few years ago which was only for about 2 months.

I still need to find a decent bellydance class. We'll see what my options are next month when my schedule changes and my raise takes effect.
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Amusing, short bit about runes and "Viking graffiti"

http://www.viking.no/e/heritage/eruner.htm

It doesn't give references for its information, so I can't speak of its authenticity, but it is amusing.

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