badstar

So being that it was Imbolc, and our ritual is next week, we had a guided meditation at the Grove last night to meet Brigid, done by Steph.

Now I'm not good with guided meditation to begin with...but lemme tell you, for whatever reason, it worked spectacularly badly for me last night. It wasn't the meditation mind you, it was me.

I wasn't really expecting a lot. I'm a Hellenic polytheist. Brigid who? I participate in the celebration of Imbolc because I am part of the Grove. Though, I have had some serious considerations about sitting this year out- especially after last night, but I've already committed to doing a part in the ritual (something that I know I'll have no problem doing despite being utterly disconnected from Irish gods) so I will not skip it.

So this meditation took the form of "You are walking along a road next to a stream...." I'm sure many of you are familiar with the format. One would think that I could muster the visualization of a road and a stream, and a forest, all that standard stuff right?

Wrong.

So throughout this entire mediiation, what do I see? Well, you know hen you close your eyes and look towards a light, you see not black, but kinda greyish with colored abstract patterns? That's what I saw. I didn't even have solid ground to walk on. I was walking through grey abstract, well, whatever.

The only other visuals I got were, fist of all there came a point where a tree was supposed to appear in front of us...an impossibly huge tree stretching up to the sky. And we were supposed to climb it.

What sort of tree did I get? A cypress tree. Not really surprised (Steph's comment later on was "so when do you get that tattoo finished?") but...cyrpess trees don't really lend themselves to climbing. I didn't really climb it, I just sorta stood there wondering how on earth I was supposed to climb it. Oh yeah...and this tree also had no solid ground. just...abstract greyness under it. After climbing the tree, we were supposed to arrive at solid ground again. Like I said, I didn't climb. Not that I didn't want to, I was kinda bummed out not to have a tree to climb, but like I said...cypress trees aren't really structured in a way to be climbable.

Next, an animal was supposed to appear in front of us. Well, I got an animal. Dragonfly. I felt the presence of a deer, but didn't see it. But I definitely saw the dragonfly. I was walking along then with this dragonfly in front of me, every now and then it would turn around and hover in mid-air, and just look at me. It was a normal looking green dragonfly, but every now and then I would take a second glance and it would be much larger, like a small bird, and turquoise in color, and then it would be a normal-looking dragondfly again.

Then at the point where we were supposed to be in Brigid's forge, just before leaving, we were supposed to walk into the fire. As soon as I heard the words "step into the fire", I didn't step...I fell. And it wasn't Brigid's fire. I was surrounded in an infinite sea of fire, and while this was hardly a simple home hearth, I knew that it was Hestia. And she said to me very clearly "I may be a small hearth fire, but never forget I am fire."

(Ironic enough, as I started typing this last paragraph, the song "I Dare You" by Shinedown came on my ipod. Which is set to a random shuffle. If you don't know it, the first line of the chorus is "I dare you to tell me to walk through the fire...")


I don't remember the fire subsiding, I don't even remember being specifically aware of it not being there, but at some point, it was no longer and I was back to abstract and grey. The last thing that was supposed to happen leaving the forge was that another animal was supposed to appear to us to lead back through the forest. This time a deer did appear. And the dragonfly was still there.


I think I was expecting to see Brigid, but have her ignore me, I didn't get that. It seems though that those who are usually around took advantage of my meditative state.