(no subject)

[badstar]

The more I look at these essays, the more I realize that no matter how I try to add to them to include the requested points, there's no real way I can do it truthfully and without adding in space-filler fluff.

The kindreds essay asked for my understanding and relationship to each of the kindreds. I described exactly that. Apparently the ancestors section is "too specific" and I need to be more broad and include things like cultural heroes and the like that are no longer in this world that i look to as role models. I have a hard enough time with that with people who are still kicking around.

Dammit, I can't honestly add any of that. Sure would be nice if I could but I can't. Unfortunately, I'm not one of those people who can just plug and play ancestors when my own don't even register on the radar. Do you want my relationship and understanding or do you just want to give me another question and I'll write an appropriate essay? This isn't higher standards. This is defining my relationship for me and expecting me to write to your preconception of what my relationship should be.

And then there's the nature awareness essay. How do I "build the connection"? Hell if I know. I don't. It's just there. I have this affinity for city environment. I have for as long as I can remember. I'm not one of those people who consider the earth to be my mother. I don't worship the earth.

I don't know what to do here. chronarchy do you have any ideas, suggestions, words of uh...anything? Am I completely crazy to be afraid that this is going to disqualify me from the CTP? I don't want to write something and have it come across as insincere. I don't want tow rite something and have yet more questions come back to me. I want to finish this thing and move on.

Comments

[chironcentaur.livejournal.com]

ADF expects you to have role models? Why? Some of us don't and we're fine with that.

I guess between not being connected to people living or dead, and not being nature centered in my spirituality (I couldn't answer that how to build a relationship with nature question either), I have little chance of getting through this either.

[fuego.livejournal.com]

Im not 100% sure...I might very well have been reading too much into what was saying. Or it might have just been Raven trying to insert that himself. I don't know. I guess I'll find out when I get the response back on that essay. I added some more grove stuff in with the nature spirits and some more "factual/understanding" with the ancestors and nature spirits. *grumble grumble* hopefully this iteration is ok. Because now there REALLY isn't anything more that I can add.

[chronarchy.livejournal.com]

Well, first let me say that I've got your essay on meditation, and I'll have a response for that soon: it's just been too bad a week. For this, Hmm. . . Can you link it and let me re-read it? Or email it to me?

I'll do my best to have a response on both your pieces by Monday, if you can manage that.

(And I'll help with the CTP standard, though I'm going to go out on a limb and say that you won't get disqualified. At least, I'm going to do my best to help keep that from happening.)

[fuego.livejournal.com]

Mike-

You're awesome, you rock and all sorts of other things.

I actually did get my meditation rewritten and resubmitted and accepted, I'm waiting to hear back from Raven on my re-re-submitted Kindreds essay, and am hoping to re-resubmit my nature awareness essay this weekend. So...no need to take a look at my other meditation essay, though I do appreciate it. At this point, I think I'm ok. At the very least, I'm not climbing the walls like I was at that point in time. I wrote that at one of those middle-of-the-night/too-early-in-the-morning moments at work when I've had far too much silent time alone with my thoughts and just let stuff get to me a little too much.

Thank you though I do appreciate your help, and sorry to hear that you've had a bad week. I hope things improve.