Memage

purplelover13 tagged me for this the other day....

A. List seven habits/quirks/facts about yourself.
B. Tag seven people to do the same.
C. Do not tag the person who tagged you or say that you tag "whoever wants to do it."

1. Despite the fact that I only ever mention one, I actually have two roomates. But Dominic is never around to say or do anything interesting.
2. Names!

My father's name is Michael Eugene. My first brother is Michael Eugene junior. My grandfather's name is Ronald Eugene. My second brother is Anthony Ronald Eugene. When my mom was pregnant with my sister, my father really really really wanted a boy so he could name him after himself. Lo, Chelle was a girl. So They did the next best thing and named her Michelle. (Middle name Joy, thank gawds, not Eugenia!) Then my mom got pregnant again, but with my brother. And my father still desperately wanted to name a kid after himself. Y ya, Michael Eugene junior. Notice a trend? Oh...and my stepfather's name is Michael.

I, on the other hand, would have escaped this horrorific naming convention because apparently, the 'rents agreed when Mumsie got pregnant with me that she would get to pick the name either way, and were I a boy, my name would not have been Michael Eugene junior but Bradley Steven.

Unfortunately, I was slapped with a family naming convention- I got the middle name Marie. So there's me, Renee Marie. I have a cousin, Rebecca Marie. Aunts, Donna Marie, Claudette Marie, Carol Marie. A grandmother, Joyce Marie. There's a Mary Marie in there somewhere- I think she's a great great grandmother or something.

This name is distributed through both my mother's and father's families.

3. I frequently refer to my mother as "Mumsie". Yes, I actually do often call her that when speaking to her.
4. For some reason, I really like the sound of fingers being slid lengthwise over violin or guitar strings.
5. As long as the paper is actually cut into an evenly-measured square, I can fold origami cranes roughly the size of my pinky fingernail
6. Despite the fact that my entire family would get it several times a year, I went fifteen years without getting the flu- from the time I was nine til I was twenty-six, and when I did get it, it was mild, and I was over it in less than three days. I haven't had it since.
7. I am rarely seen without a backpack. Unless I'm just running to the store around the corner, I don't leave the house without it.

I'm breaking rule C. Tag whoever wants to do it.


Movie meme-

I promise, I only took quotes from movies originally filmed in English.

1. Pick 15 of your favorite movies.
2. Go to IMDb and find a quote from each movie.
3. Post them for everyone to guess.
4. Fill in the film title once it's guessed.
5. NO GOOGLING/using IMDb search functions.

1. I'm full of guilt and shame. How is that Old World?

2. Q: Why do I stand up here? A: To feel taller!

3. You lost your arms in battle! But you grew some nice boobs.

4. First there was darkness, then came the strangers.

5. You're rich and women love you, and I'm from Ohio and I'm drunk.

6. Well, beatniks for one, folk singers and motorbike riders. Y'know. All those hip, jazzy, super cool, neat, keen, and groovy cats. It's in the fridge, daddy-o! Are you hip to the jive? Can you dig what I'm layin' down?

7. The Matador, the Matador... me... me

8. You're a very attractive man, Ken. You're... smart, you've got wonderful bones, great eyes, and you dress really interestingly.

9. I'm the most dangerous man in this prison. You know why? 'Cause I control the underwear.

10. Unfortunately, our Don Juan is moving with the speed of a Special Olympics hurdler.

11. If I don't get total tit tonight, I will be using this razor to cut my throat. As I see it, sex is my only reason for living.

12. That night all of my dreams came true, and like all happy endings, it was a tragedy,

13. I used to think that if none of your family or friends knew you were dead, it was like not really being dead.

14. Marcie! Do not drag that couch any further!

15. I think it's important you remember that's a political distinction that comes with the office. I mean, if, uh, Eisenhower were here instead of me, he'd be dead by now...

Another One Of The Mysteries Of Life...

So...has anyone ever been able to figure this one out?

If you listen to the song It's All Been Done by Barenaked Ladies, you know this segment:

"And if I put my fingers here
And if I say "I love you dear"
And if I play the same three chords
Will you just yawn and say"

Okay...WHAT on earth is being said by the low, whispery voice that follows that before they go back to the chorus?????

Sounds a bit to me like "Oh, that's pathetic"...but I don't think that's what it actually is.

It's never included anywhere if you look up the lyrics.

Tuck and Roll?

Have you ever had one of those moments where something that made no sense when it happened, none whatsoever, suddenly made perfect sense?

Well...Either I'm off my rocker or I've had one of those moments. I'm honestly not entirely sure which. But the more I think that just happened.

Did you ever see a plate glass window get hit with something hard enough to shatter it, at the moment just following impact when the entire thing just splinters, but hangs there for a split second before it falls?

I feel like that right now.

Yes, I'll explain. Possibly in long-winded detail. Just...not right this second.

I just...hope that either I'm wrong or this was the blast I've been expecting for a few months now, because I don't think I could deal with anything bigger than this.

Aw, hell. I think I've got a problem here.

Re: previous post

this: http://fuego.livejournal.com/666068.html

Is what suddenly makes all the sense in the world.

(I'll be writing about it in more detail at some point.)

Fuck, how much else have I been wrong about?

All this time, all these years now, it's been "clergy, clergy clergy" kicking at me, beating at me, harassing me, not letting me have any peace.

And then I finally found the means to pursue it.

And now I get to the point where I'm working on that...and I wake up one day with this thought in my semi-conscious mind, this idea that I could just drop it and walk away comes to mind, and for a minute it's this giddy, giggly, slightly insanely gleeful thought in my mind, and it's so damned clear.

Was it in the stupor of passing sleep that this thought found its way to the surface, with my conscious mind not quite coherent enough to keep it down?

How can I honestly serve an organization when I can't even relate to a number of its major elements? (ancestor worship, earth/nature worship to name a few) This has been really bothering me for a while now, and was one of the big sticking points resubmitting my essays for CTP approval, the three kindreds essay.

I respect nature and care about what happens to the earth, but I don't relate to it on a religious basis. I want to scream when I hear that all pagan religions are earth-centered, or that "we as pagans should..." as if being pagan somehow means that one should strive to be a beacon of ecological correctness and that it somehow makes one more ecologically correct by default- not that I'm saying that it's a bad idea to do what one can to improve the planetary situation- I'm not.

But I just can't connect it to my religious practice. Somehow, the two just...don't meet up.

But anyway, that essay, it was the one I rewrote the most. And by the time I got to the accepted version, I almost hated myself for it.

Don't get me wrong- I didn't write anything untrue. I wouldn't have lied to get it through. but if it had been sent back one more time, I just couldn't have done it. I couldn't have given any more to that essay than I gave, and remained honest.

Then there's the general question- what is clergy? Among other things, clergy perform weddings, and funerals and all that stuff. You know, if someone really close came to me and asked me to perform a wedding, or (gods forbid) a funeral, I'd do it. But can I just be available to the general pagan public to do that? I really don't think I can. I've never really been able to truly see myself doing that.

So why am I doing this?

I think I know what happened.

First of all, I think I made some misinterpretations along the way. Starting with "clergy".

There is still absolutely no doubt in my mind that I am supposed to be serving the gods in some strongly devoted capacity. That, if anything is as crystal clear as ever.

Somehow, though, I think it got interpreted in my mind as "clergy" because it's a familiar concept. And it really didn't take much for that to formulate as what it was meant to be.

An instant to form, and almost ten years to break down.

Gawds. The last year and a half, all the long, unending conversations that I've had with Gavin- about general aspects of being a member of the clergy, aspects of ADF that don't jive with one's own religious beliefs/practice etc, how many things have I said didn't bother me (at least not too badly)? How many things have I said I could deal with? How many things was I wrong about (or how many things did I have myself convinced of?)

Dammit, there's so much more that just doesn't fit.

I was upset and worried that night, when I made that post I referenced earlier, I felt like I had turned my back on everything for a minute there. And then by the morning, I was fine and everything seemed to have gone back to the way it should be, and by the time I was telling Michael about it later that evening, I couldn't figure out why I'd been so upset. It was this randomly-interjected moment of absurdity in what was a clear-cut picture.

And then, there was this moment, several weeks ago, where I saw myself leaving. Two or three years from now. ADF and Baltimore both. It seemed long-term temporary, but again...two or three years down the road.

What if I was wrong about the time? What if it's now? (Not leaving Baltimore, I couldn't if I wanted to) but...everything else?

God, I had this all figured out. I had a plan.

This time, I don't think I'm going to wake up tomorrow and say that I don't know what I was so upset about.

Arright. Where does this leave me?

I've got my faith and devotion to the gods.

Dammit, I thought I knew what he meant when he said it was going to hurt. I was wrong, and that's been nothing so far. This kills.

(no subject)

My mind is strangely clear. That last post was surprisingly easy to write. I'm....far calmer than I feel like I should be, having just broken what I thought I was building a large part of my life and identity around.

I feel like I set out to drive to the North Pole and just now found myself crossing the Rio Grande.

(no subject)

I am not going to do anything crazy just yet.

for the moment, I am going to keep working on the CTP, but focus on the parts most of interest and relevance to me- divination, mythology, liturgy. That which I would be doing anyway won't be a waste of time, and if it turns out that I really am having a moment of insanity after all, I won't have set myself back unnecessarily.

One thing that's really keeping me from breaking this off is remembering a discussion taking place sometime back where chronarchy was talking about the idea of trained priests in the organization serving in different capacities, not everyone taking the same blanket list of duties.

I did say that I saw something temporary. Long-term, but temporary. I don't know if this is it, but it could be. Perhaps something will change somewhere, perhaps not. I'm not going to try and force myself to fit into what I've been trying to do, but I'm not going to completely abandon it- at least, not the parts that I know I will still use.

I'm going to stay with the organization at this point- hey, I can at least keep poking and prodding at the Hellenic kin. And I'm going to stick around the grove too.

The rest, I'll figure out.

(no subject)

And now for an interlude back into the familiar....

One of the most amazing things I've read about Apollo in so long. It's raw, painful, and almost elegant.

http://sannion.livejournal.com/628832.html?style=mine

Yeah. That's the god to whom I am so devoted.