badstar

So I've realized more and more over the last year or so that I largely define myself by my religion and related interests. Anymore, a large percentage of my time is devoted to such things. Most of my friends are somehow connected to my religious life. It's constantly what's on my mind. At work, most of my time is actually spent reading and at times writing about just such things. (Quick, who actually knows what I do for a living? Oh, nevermind. I actually do mention it enough that I think most folks know.) And looking forward, I can only really see it taking up more and more of my life in the future.

Not that I'm complaining, mind you. I'm perfectly okay with the idea.

A couple of weeks ago, I was talking to needa one night, and conversation drifted into the subject of dating, and whether I found it crucial to be with someone of the same religion.

Maybe it's kinda dumb, but this conversation quickly became very uncomfortable in my mind. It was a little much when combined with the fact that the realization of attraction for someone had just hit me like the proverbial ton of runaway lead mack trucks only a few hours earlier. (Okay, so I had actually realized it a while ago, and continually ignored it/brushed it off for several reasons. And then it just did one of those numbers where it punches me in the face and forces me to confront it. Or at least admit it to myself, cause so far there's been no actual "confrontation". Just a whole lot of facial contortions while pondering the thought and what to do.)

Wiskey tango fuck does one thing have to do with another? Hell if I know. Oh yeah...the idea of relationships plus the life-consuming religion thing. Gaaaaah. It's complicated! And it's only hypothetical! How the hell does that translate to real life?

I think it all comes back to one thing...I know that it's not exactly realistic to be willing to venture outside of my religion- Baltimore's not exactly hopping with Hellenics, I think that I and the roommate comprise a third to a half of the population- but anyone that I ever do end up in a relationship with will need to have an active understanding (or a pretty damned strong acceptance) of where I'm coming from. Otherwise, it just won't work.

In other news, I bit two fingernails off tonight. Time for nail polish again.

Um...I need to start finding other things to occupy my brain at work. Maybe I should try crime novels or word-search puzzles. Or maybe I should go back to day shift. Was I this dramatically ponderous when I didn't have 12 hours of silence at a stretch to be alone with my thoughts???